[Free!] Stay

[manubibi]

Titolo: Stay
Fandom: Free!
Personaggi: Sousuke/Nagisa, one-sided Haruka/Nagisa, hint di Makoto/Haruka, nominato Rei (sorry Rei bb quando finisce la rarepair week sarai di nuovo al centro delle mie ship PROMESSO <333333)
Genere: malinconico, fluff, erotico
Avvertimenti: fandom!AU (Nagi No Asukara), in inglese, lime-ish (idk, non è lemon e non è lime, sa solo quello che non è)
Parole: 3589
Note: per il giorno 3 della rarepair week, "Confession/Firsts", e per la M4 del COW-T che siamo all'ultima settimana, il prompt è "fandom!AU". E niente, quanti feels mi sono venuti scrivendola oh. ç______ç <33333 mi ci sono affezionatissima. E la regalo alla phoenix_bellamy CCC: <3

He curses that day he lost sight of him. Because there's no other thing to do, really. No powers he could have to change the past, and no powers to change the way his heart has fallen ill.

Nagisa appeared in his quiet little life - too little for him, with too many dreams to fullfill - all of a sudden, in a peaceful morning of September, a few days after his birthday, while he had gone fishing in silence. Many of the things he used to do were quiet, and he would always resent it. He would always remember about Rin, the way he had filled his life with joy and cheerfulness, childish play, and the way he had left their town out of the blue, the way he had felt abandoned. But that was long ago, and despite the fact that they have not seen each other for a decade he cannot not blame his best friend and first crush, all in one. He could not blame him, because there is not a future in this village. And he had desperately wished to go away, look for something elsewhere. Just as he had started to think about moving away, just as he had motivated himself to leave, Nagisa had happened. Sousuke pulled him up thinking that a particularly heavy shoal of fish had fallen for the old net trick. And there he was, ruffled blond hair and magenta orbs open wide, all curled up and vulnerable, staring at Sousuke with fear of the unknown in his eyes. The fisher had gazed at the shiny, bright boy for what seemed to be aeons while his heart raced.
So the legend that had been passing along for decades, of people living underwater, had been true all along, and not just a fantastic story.
"Could you put me back? My Ena is going to dry up," Nagisa said as his first thing, "and what's your name? Mine's Nagisa!" He added, with a large grin. He looked and sounded so pure Sousuke was taken aback. He had dealt with a lot of marine life, sharks, squids, more or less aggressive ones, and oddly enough his first thought had been, how does such a tiny and defenseless thing survive down there? He had not questioned his eyes, his beliefs about Shioshishio had shifted to a position of truth, and he had quietly freed the Sea boy that got tangled up with him. Not just with his fishing equipment, but with him. Because from the next day on, Nagisa had always been waiting for him at the docks of Oshioshi, the little pacific village where Sousuke lived off fishing and destroying the environment around Nagisa. And yet, the blond was not resenting the people living on the surface. He was actually curious about them. And as soon as he had seen Sousuke, he had immediately thought that Haru-chan is wrong. They are beautiful.

Sousuke began blessing it all the day he had slipped off his boat during the night and during a seastorm, while going back to the docks. He could swim well, but the Sea seemed to be angry at him, seemed to not want him to ever breathe again. He had spent a long minute hopelessly crawling for the surface, watching it get blurred in his eyes, and feeling his lungs collapse, seconds away from desperately swell looking for air and only finding water to drown in. That night, he thought nobody would have realized of him going missing.
And then Nagisa had happened, again.

While Sousuke was spluttering and panting back to life, Nagisa sighed of relief, kneeling next to him on the beach.
"Good grief..." he just whispered, and then touched his own lips, blushing. His breath had brought the boy back to life.
"Nagisa!" Someone called him suddenly, another boy with black hair, who swam closer to the beach and then ran up to them. "What are you doing?"
"Ah, this boy was drowning..." Nagisa began explaining, but the new boy, eyes blue as the Sea had cut him off abruptly, staring at Sousuke with a stern look.
"Go back."
"Haru-chan..." Nagisa had began protesting.
"Go back to Shioshishio," the thin, raven-haired and apparently older boy had ordered, and Nagisa had just stared at him, and then the biggest boy who was still lying on the wet sand. He smiled gently, before diving back in the Sea.
"So you're the guy from the surface he won't stop talking about," the new boy began, and then leaned on Sousuke. "Did you put weird ideas in his head?"
Sousuke had just almost drowned, and he really was not in the mood to be blamed for whatever this Haru-chan was implicitly accusing him of.
"What weird ideas?" He asked, aggressively, as he stood up. He turned out to be way bigger than the other, and he naturally intimidated the other boy from the waters. Enough to make him think he was dangerous, and make him take a few steps back.
"He wants to leave the Sea."
This boy was Haruka. He had been Nagisa's friend through all his childhood, through the good and bad, he had seen the other grow up and keep cheerful and always filled with energy, he had comforted him in the sadness, and he had introduced Haruka to new friends. He had introduced him to his loved one.
And Haruka had grown so fond of him that the idea of him leaving for the surface filled him up with anxiety, fear, and misery.
But Sousuke could do nothing about that. He had not told Nagisa once to move to Oshioshi, especially because he had been explained everything about Ena. Ena was a substance exclusive to the underwater population, a substance that allowed them to breathe, swim and live underwater. And they could not survive long on the surface without dipping in the water to have it form again. Apparently, it would get lost outside of the Sea. However, Nagisa had explained to him that once a person from the Sea decided to live on the surface, the Sea God would take the Ena away from them and banish them from living underwater ever again.
Sousuke had grown fond of Nagisa, but he never asked him to change his entire life. And for what? For a boring little village.
"I didn't tell him to leave the sea," he replied, frowning.
Haruka stared at him, clenching his fists angry, and gritted his teeth.
"Well, that's a stupid idea."
"I agree," Sousuke immediately retorted. "Anyway, why did you follow him?"
Haruka squinted at him, not offering any reply. Instead, he took a few steps again, pressing a finger to his chest, and looking up at him with an aggressively protective attitude.
"Stay away from Nagisa."
Sousuke was starting to really hate this guy. It was not his fault that the blond was bored of his own world. It was not his fault that he wanted out.
It was not his fault that Nagisa had probably seen something better on the surface. Something exciting, maybe something that was not dying, since Shioshishio was the last sea village.
"You know, it's him. He always comes to visit me. I don't go looking for him," Sousuke spat back, irritated. He was feeling tired.
Haruka stared at him bitterly, before simply turning around, thinking he had made his point clear.

And for a bit, Nagisa did not nag Sousuke at the end of each day. He did not appear at the docks, ready to fill Sousuke's day with endless blabber of all his friends and the fish he had helped escape the fishers' nets. His capture had also been better than the usual.
Nagisa had left him alone so much that he had started to miss his laughter, his trilling voice, and the way he always added -chan at the end of his name. All those annoying things he did, Sousuke wanted them back.
One night, he woke up after tossing and turning, looked at the Sea outside of his window and saw it was agitated. On a whim, he decided to go out in the fresh, despite the wind, despite the uncomfortable feeling of his feet against the concrete. And he sat on the shore, listening to the lull of the sea.
Suddenly, Nagisa had appeared from underwater, and Sousuke's heart skipped a beat, but nobody could tell that he found out, he cared. He cared for this tiny ball of energy, this tiny ray of sun that, according to him, did not belong in the sea.
He belonged there with him. What a selfish thought.
"Sou-chan!" Nagisa called immediately, rushing to him and then sitting next to him, his legs stretched enough to let his feet dip in the water.
He looked otherwordly with his layer of Ena reflecting the moonlight.
"I've missed you," the blond said, light-hearted. "Everybody is sleeping, so I just swam up here. How are you?" He asked, smiling. It seemed like his default espression was a happy one.
Sousuke's was a grumpy one, most times, but now he was also smiling softly, looking at the agitated water but stealing glances of the other.
"You shouldn't be here, you know. Your body-guard scolded me that night."
And he was hearing again, the blond's bubbly laughter.
"Haru-chan is just very protective of me. We grew up together, you know? Me, him, Rei-chan, Mako-chan..." He replied, filling his eyes up with the star-lit sky's view.
"Never heard of them."
"Yeah... well, Mako-chan says he's going to leave and go on the surface."
"Wasn't that you?"
Nagisa did not reply, he just kept looking up. Touché.
"You know, deciding to come live here is a definitive decision," Sousuke began, before being cut off.
"I know. I know, Haru-chan keeps telling me that. But I want to live here," Nagisa said, firmly.
"Why?"
Again, silence. He had managed to make Nagisa shut up twice in a matter of a minute. He wanted to say something about it, maybe in a joking tone, but Nagisa, again, spoke before he could.
"I'm sick of living down there. But still... I can't seem to definitely decide to leave."
Sousuke looked down, unable to give him advice. He thought he really wanted Nagisa to be on the surface, live there, if that was his wish. On a deeper level, Sousuke realized that was a selfish thought. He wanted him on the surface. No matter how annoying he could be, he was so full of life that he just did not belong in a dead place.

Or maybe he belongs there because it's a place about to die.
Maybe lively things belong where they can help bring life.

"Is he your boyfriend or something?" He then asked, quietly.
Nagisa had blinked heavily, then bursting in giggles so contagious they brought a smirk to the other's lips.
"No. How did you think of that?"
"Well... he seemed weirdly possessive of you," Sousuke replied, surprised that his chest would feel lighter, his mind relieved. Why would he care of who Nagisa would be with? It's not like...
"He's just worried I might leave. But I've been wishing to since long before meeting you," Nagisa admitted, finally looking at him. His eyes were also smiling, but with a sad hint.
Sousuke hated that.
"Then just leave. I know your friend will probably cut my throat for telling it to you, but if you're not happy down there, then just... just leave."
"But once the Sea God decides to banish us..."
"... you can never go back. Yeah, I know."
Nagisa was mute again, lost in thought.
"It's hard to decide what to do of your future, huh?" He asked, sighing lightly. Everything he did seemed to come from such a simple and pure place.
"Don't tell me," the taller replied, with a much heavier sigh.
"I should go," Nagisa finally said, melancholic. "My Ena is drying up."
Sousuke did not want him to go. If he could only stay a few minutes more... He placed his hand on Nagisa's, a bigger one on the Sea boy's tiny one. The blond looked down at it, blushing. Sousuke could see it even in the dim moonlight.
"I should go," he repeated, this time with urgency, and Sousuke let him go.
And the next day, Nagisa went back to not being there in the morning or in the evening. Sousuke's heart began quietly aching and then filling up with hope and then aching again when disappointment would hit, and he soon grew sick of it. His heart had gotten ill, and it was all Nagisa's fault, but he could not be angry. He would never harbor negative feelings for someone so pure. And yet he could not help hurting, thinking that maybe Haruka had convinced Nagisa to never show up again. And if that was the case, it was completely, absolutely unfair. First Rin, and then Nagisa? He would not tolerate it.
He looked down at the sea another night, his face reflected on the dark and unknown water. Would he really do something that stupid just to see him again, after risking to drown? He ended up sitting on the edge, with his bare feet just tickling the skin of that ever-shifting mass of liquid. Liquid pure like Nagisa's soul.
Nagisa again. His thoughts kept flowing in a loop, and each loop would end up with his mind ending up on Nagisa. He just could not help it.
The blond did not show up that night, but Sousuke realized they were not just friends.

And Nagisa had come to the same conclusion while wishfully looking up at the sun shining dimmed underwater, something he would do more and more often while out of his home. Haruka, Makoto and Rei had all realized they could not really hold him back. Once Nagisa put his mind into something, he would get really stubborn, to the point of getting it. And while Rei and Makoto seemed to really just wish for whatever would make him happy, Haruka could not reconcile himself with it.
"Do you still want to go live on the surface?" He once asked Nagisa, while they were alone in an empty depression on the ground. Nagisa looked at him, with his curls floating lazily around his head.
"Yes. But that would not mean I would never see you guys again, right?" He replied, approaching him.
Haruka chenched his fists, but said nothing for a few seconds.
"The surface is dangerous."
"It really doesn't seem like it to me. It seems to me that you're just scared because you don't know it," Nagisa said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I've explored it, and it's really not much different from here."
"You say that because... you're selfish, and you want to just let Shioshishio die," Haruka retorted, with his voice growing cold and distant, somehow.
Nagisa stared at him, looking as hurt as he was feeling. He loved his hometown, obviously. And he loved his friends.
Instead of replying, he just ran. Or better yet, he swam up to the surface. Haruka just looked at him go, already regretting saying that. He had spoken so little in his life, why was this decision of Nagisa making him speak so much, and so decidedly?

Nagisa reached the shore and ran, with his vision blurry.

I'm selfish. I'm selfish because I've seen something I love more and I want it. I'm selfish because I like Sou-chan.
Is it wrong?

He reached Sousuke's home, knocking on it first with soft hits, and then with stronger, convinced blows. When the other opened the door, his face was surprised.
"Nagisa?" He asked, stepping aside in a mute invitation to step in. As soon as the door closed behind him, Nagisa burst in loud wails, hugging Sousuke's big torso and sobbing. The taller boy was taken aback, but ended up hugging him soon. "What happened?"
"Am I selfish?" Nagisa asked, with his voice cracked.
"What?"
"Haru-chan told me I'm selfish for wanting to live here."
Sousuke frowned, feeling a protective feeling and anger swell in his chest. Haruka had hurt his...
He blinked, looking down at the blond mop of wet hair that was nuzzling against his chest, while Nagisa's small body shook with sobs.
"You're not selfish. Taking a road in life means discarding another," he finally replied, petting Nagisa's hair softly. "And choices are hard because in picking something, you have to give up on something else."
Nagisa listened, and took a very long, deep sigh before nodding, Sousuke could feel his head move on his chest.
"I want to stay."
The black-haired fisher looked down in the magenta that had raised up on him.
"Then stay."

"It's my first time," Nagisa chirped, nervously, a few days later.
"Mine too," Sousuke replied, hiding his anxiety better. He thought this was coming a bit too soon, but it was happening regardless under Nagisa's (very shyly formulated) request, and the blond was blushing but smiling under him.
"Well then... let's do this," the blond said, softly, tying his arms around the bigger's neck, and his naked legs around his hips.
He clearly could not wait, and yet Sousuke was afraid of hurting him, ruining him, or doing something wrong. He did not know what, but he was feeling in equal parts aroused and restrained.
"Yeah," he muttered, looking down at Nagisa's naked, tan skin. He had spent so much time on the surface that he was not as pale as he was in the beginning. And his clothes had drawn ridiculous forms on his skin, and yet he still looked as pretty and sweet as the first time.
Sousuke sucked his fingers for a lack of better liquids to use, and when he carefully inserted one finger inside of Nagisa, his heart dropped for a second at seeing that same look on Nagisa's face. The look he had when they had met.
"Are you alright?" He immediately asked, still too shy to kiss him. But Nagisa wasn't, and he pulled the other down for their lips to meet. His legs spread wide to feel him better, his hips rolled slowly to push against Sousuke and the latter thought of waves from the Sea.
"I'll be okay," Nagisa replied calmly, despite looking uncomfortable at best, slightly pained at worst.
"We can do it another time," Sousuke insisted, worried sick. However, he wondered how he went from wanting to leave to wishing that time could just stop flowing.
"No," Nagisa whined, pushing his hips against him, and then kissing him like he had learnt to do on his own, while fantasizing of this, pressing his arm against his lips. But kissing revealed to be pretty different, and he chuckled at the awkwardness both showed. Sousuke was a bit more savvy about this, and he knew the ropes, more or less, but Nagisa had no idea how it worked. And yet he was diving head first into it, with his whole body warming up, but tensing up.
"Relax," Sousuke whispered, kissing his lips softly, and he immediately felt the rings of muscles around his finger loosen. "It's going to hurt," he added, looking straight into Nagisa's eyes.
Nagisa nodded.
While preparing him, he heard him moan, and gasp because he was moaning, and those little noises sounded so innocent and yet so lewd, and Sousuke would tease him about it if he wasn't that worried about not hurting him. Or hurting him as less as possible. When the smaller boy was ready, he did look like it. He was relaxed, but also itching to receive Sousuke inside of him, and flushed in the face, and he looked so human, like he really belonged in Oshioshi. Ena aside, they looked so similar, and yet such opposites.
And when he pushed his way inside Nagisa, the other's body was all one shiver, one wave, and he looked the most vulnerable. That only made Sousuke want to protect him, and his body decided to wrap around the tinier boy like a protection. He knew Nagisa did not needed it, and yet he made that effect to people. He suddenly understood Haruka and the way he had acted. While moving inside of Nagisa, he kissed and treasured him while their breaths tangled together and their eyes met. And they kissed, slow like their embrace.
Sousuke did not even know what Nagisa was talking about when he told him about how gentle and caring he had been, right after both of them had climaxed. But he chose to believe him.
"I want you to stay," He said, knowing that would bring a trouble to Nagisa. But the other seemed to think the same, no matter how much he would cry at the idea of abandoning his friends. He was made for the sea, but he was strong enough to defy that. He was stronger than anyone else would expect of him. He was strong enough to grasp at his own dream.
"I'll stay," he replied serene.

Haruka sits with them and his other Shioshishio friends, stabbing himself in the heart with the languid looks Nagisa is giving Sousuke. His skin has Ena no more. He's gone. He does not really feel as selfish anymore, because his friend is happy, and yet his own heart is still ill.
Makoto, the most gentle of his friends, however, is still patiently waiting to be seen. And he'll just keep waiting for him.