[FREE!] It's the end of the world and nothing matters anymore

[manubibi]

Titolo: It's the end of the world and nothing matters anymore (2 parti)
Fandom: Free!
Personaggi: Sousuke/Nagisa, past Rei/Nagisa
Genere: angst, erotico, introspettivo, horror
Avvertimenti: character death, in inglese, gore, AU

Parole: 10.007
Note: Per la quarta settimana del COW-T, missione Shannen, prompt "sacrificio" & per il prompt 37 della Maritombola. E anche per il prompt "zombi" dell'auverse, visto che ci siamo XD

A few loud thuds on the thick metal door echoed through the run-down, dark, dirtied up factory building, while outside a frosty wind and heavy rain slashed through what remained of the thick woods and ìfields of the countryside. They had sustained months of dry temperatures, no care, no nurturing, and yet some of the vegetation still seemed to resist… but it was not like there was anyone around to take care of it - going outside, given the state of things, would be too dangerous. Something might always be lurking, and waiting.
It just so happened that Sousuke, the man living inside the factory, was just cleaning his gun when his head whipped towards the sound. It might be one of those savage things slamming against the gate, or just someone knocking desperately. Knowing the probabilities, the second option seemed quite unbelievable by now, given how he had not seen a living human in a very long time... either way, he grabbed the gun and carried it with him as he approached the office’s small monitor. That gun had been by his side since the virus began spreading, but carrying one with him had been part of his job - now it was part of his life.
His legs brought him to the window near the entrance, a big glass panel that he always made sure to keep clean, and he took a peek.

Under the rain was a solitary, small man bent over and bracing on his knees, panting: he seemed to be catching his breath after running a few miles. Sousuke could not see very well, also because of the raindrops rolling on the glass, but he did manage to see that man lift his hands, palms wide open as he looked around, still breathing heavily considering the motions of his chest, the way his shoulders lifted and dropped. And he was silent. He probably knew better than to yell for help - it would lure those creatures to the factory - but he also clearly knew the place was inhabited by someone, because he stood there as still as possible, waiting.
Sousuke sighed, rubbing his eyes and holding onto his gun before eventually deciding he would hear this guy out. At least it seemed to be a good sign that someone was there: for the last few months, nobody had showed up anywhere close to the place, the solar-powered radio emitted a constant and useless flush of static sounds and there was no electricity left in the whole country. Or in the Tottori prefecture, anyway.

But the facts were these: the country had collapsed. He did not need official reports of it, or journalists telling him so, and regardless, there weren’t any. He could see it all around him, it had become evident from the moment all the cities had been quickly infected, every clinic and hospital had been occupied by the ill, panicking for a cure and spreading the virus, nobody left alive dared going outside anymore if they were safe, and the time for looting and guerrilla everywhere had began quite fast, snowballing society into complete chaos and turning cities into war zones.
Sousuke had seen his share of violence during some of the scariest moments in the last year. He’d seen humans do to each other things he wouldn’t have even imagined, all because they needed to.
He killed people, as well. Sometimes he would remember all night, wonder about other choices he could have picked, then justify himself during the day. But since he had found this factory, got rid of the infected inside and secured the entrances and windows, there was way too much time to think and let his mind torture him.
But everybody had stopped thinking about right and wrong anyway. There was no distinction anymore, and there was no reason to stand on a pedestal and preach about it. There were only fathers doing what they had to in order to feed their children, only elders cooping up in their own houses until death would come, but still shooting any stranger who might try to kill them before their time; only mothers killing other women’s children in the streets to grab whatever they could from them. It was ugly, and it was real.
With things being that way, Sousuke knew two things: the man standing in front of the door had no good intentions. He was definitely not there to bring food or offer anything for free. In a best case scenario, he was there for shelter and food which, thankfully, Sousuke still had a rich stock of since he’d stumbled across the snack factory out of sheer luck, and given how inside everyone was already infected it had been quite easy to clean up. In a worst case scenario, he was there to take everything and kill Sousuke.
Given this reasoning, the first thought to cross his mind was open the door and pull the trigger - it was the quickest and most simple solution to avoid danger.
But he’d been stuck there on his own for such a long time he seriously thought about turning that gun to himself, sometimes, if only to shut down the guilty voices in his head. He had not seen actual, living people for months, and those he had seen were either wounded or half-dead anyway. That man seemed to have survived fine through the epidemic, though, at least judging by his looks.
Well, Sousuke could take a better look - no harm in doing that. He was the one with the gun.

He pressed a button on the terminal in the dusty, small secretary office where the desk was, near the entrance, and talked into the intercom’s microphone.
“Who are you?” He barked, straightforward, inching closer. The intercom gave him silence at first, but then a young voice reached out to him with a tired, yet clear tone.
“My name is Hazuki Nagisa... I come from Iwatobi. I’m not hurt, I wasn’t bitten or scratched and I’m not carrying weapons. I, uh...” The voice paused, and the sound of a heavy breath came through. “I’m on my own, here... there is nobody with me and I’m just looking for shelter. Could you open the door?”
Brief, concise and to the point. It sounded like the guy knew better than to blabber, at least in that moment, but his voice also sounded weary and low.
Sousuke frowned lightly without realizing, and his jaws clenched together as he thought. But in the end he pressed the button to speak again, and replied.
“Stay where you are.”
“Yes!”
He moved to the gate’s keyboard, and punched in a brief code on the buttons with faded numbers. As he backed away with his gun pointed to the big door which was now creaking open, he watched the figure slowly appear in front of him. First the wet shoes, then his pants, then his bust, and finally his face crowned by a mane of messy blond curls. With his hands still held high, the young man kept still despite the evident relief in his posture and on his face.
The man, Nagisa, looked thin and his torn out, wet pants formed bags at the level of his calves, his face and his skin seemed to have retreated and pulled on his face. His hair was cut in irregular shapes, and Sousuke could tell this guy had cut them on his own in the most practical way - as in, to not have them long enough that an infected could grab on them - but most definitely not in a fashionable way. Not that anyone had time or the luxury to worry about those things anyway.
But all in all, Sousuke had seen people in worse conditions. Like, rotting corpses that walked and groaned and looked back at him with cold, ruthless, inhuman stares.
“Hi,” Nagisa said, with a cautious voice, tensing up again. “Please don’t shoot me.”
“That just depends on how you behave,” Sousuke replied, careful, just as tense, but his finger wouldn’t move. It would have been so easy to just pull it, kick the corpse out and close the door again. That option was still in his mind. But seeing a human face, at all, made his heart pound with excitement - he just paid attention not to show it.
“You look… you look well fed,” Nagisa commented, after quickly scanning Sousuke’s figure. “Do you have food? I’m dying to eat something.”
Sousuke frowned, taken aback a little.
“Slow down, I haven’t even decided whether to shoot yet. Don’t get cozy with me.”
But Nagisa cut him off.
“Okay, listen: I’ll suck you off. Or ride you... dance for you, let you fuck me, whatever you want,” Nagisa said, just as clearly as earlier and with no sign of embarrassment in his voice or on his face.
But that took Sousuke off guard.
“Wait, what?”
“I happened to get meals like that. Just… please, I’m starving,” Nagisa replied, earnest, and finally his voice crackled with a whine. “I’m really hungry, and… I’m willing to do anything.”
Anything. Sousuke had been all alone for so long, his body had ached for a warm body to hold - his blood rushed quickly all over his own as he considered the deal. That proposal sounded very nice, and his finger got softer on the trigger for a moment. But then he grew tense again, forcing himself to say: “no, thanks. I’m not that kind of idiot.”
Nagisa let out a whimper, as his whole body sagged and his face fell.
“Please… just- just a little bit. I’ll get away immediately, just please, give me some food.”
Sousuke’s hand tensed up, for a moment, studying him. But he looked harmless. And, thinking again, under all the dirty fabric his body seemed nice. His lips looked plump and soft - for a moment Sousuke wondered how those would feel, wrapped around his cock, and that was when a wave of desire finally burst in his belly.
And then a voice helpfully whispered in his mind that the man could have useful skills, skills Sousuke could take advantage of to gather more food, or stay safer. Maybe he could be good at sneaking in small places, or something like that. It was worth giving him a chance, at least.
“Come forward, slowly,” he grumbled, still pointing his gun. The other man hesitated, before taking a couple of steps.
“Is… are we cool then?” He asked, with an obvious edge to his voice, and his eyes going wide.
“Turn around,” Sousuke continued, ignoring the question, and gestured with his finger.
Nagisa looked back at him, with his body tensing up even more.
“Really? You’re going to make me turn my back?”
“It’s either that or you leave,” Sousuke said, dry, with his eyes narrowing a little. But it was understandable - it would have made him very nervous as well, showing his back to someone holding a gun.
Nagisa swallowed with tension, before he finally moved and turned around, still panting a little from running. He’d started running as soon as he saw the building on the horizon, and hadn’t stopped until he reached it despite how tired surviving had made him be.

As soon as he felt the man’s hands on him, he held his breath for a couple of seconds, but then he noticed how the touch was not lingering, the hands were not grabbing him the way other hands did. They just patted his waist, his back, his hips, his legs, brushed up and down his sleeves and pants to sense whether there was something hidden in his clothing, nothing more and nothing less. His eyes fluttered closed, that was refreshing. He always hated this, always hated when someone patted him down. It left him vulnerable, and he never knew what the other person would do to him. He probably hated it even more than having some greasy dick shoved down his throat - as much of a paradox as that might sound, at least when he did that he also knew he would get something beneficial in exchange for it. Or was reasonably sure of it. But this time, he felt like there was no malice in the hands touching him, just appropriate carefulness. Professionality.
“Are you a cop?” He guessed, once he heard the other man stand up straight again.
“You can turn around again,” Sousuke grunted, and put his gun away, secured on his belt. “Yeah. Well, I used to be, before everything went to shit,” he finally replied, and took a long sigh. “Looks like you’re clean,” he added, scratching his head.
“I told you so,” Nagisa retorted, knitting his eyebrows, but relief made his expression relax.
“Yeah, well, I’ve had bad encounters before,” Sousuke replied, iffed, and looked better at this guy, Nagisa.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” he replied, softly, and bit his lip briefly before asking, “so… do we have a deal? Can I stay?”
Sousuke studied him again, deciding to not reply yet. He would need to get to know this man really well, before lowering his guard. But compared to five minutes prior, he was already a lot more at ease with the idea of someone else in the space he’d lived in alone for so long. He would need some getting used to that, again.
“I’ll cook something up quick,” Sousuke said instead, and glanced back at him before pressing another button to close the gate again. “I don’t need you to do any of that... stuff. I’m not that kind of person.” Okay, maybe he had considered turning into one for a moment. “I want information though, that thing’s been saying nothing for weeks.” He pointed his finger to the small radio on a counter. “And I want to know who you are.”
Nagisa nodded quickly, his odd, magenta eyes lighting up.
“Well, it’s not like I’m the most informed guy around, but…”

Sousuke was used to eating silently, but given how much of a chatterbox Nagisa was, he found out he did have some information-
Every town and city and suburb had either turned into a wasteland or had been destroyed by inner fightings over resources, or had been overrun with the infected, thus leaving nobody alive behind. Sousuke knew that much, he’d seen it. The living had moved to the countryside or on the mountains and hills, and that’s what Nagisa had done right when the epidemy had started. Moved around, looting, and relying on the other living.
And then he said Rei-chan had foreseen how things would develop for cities. He had gotten it right from the start, that places crawling with people were the riskiest place to be, he’d correctly guessed that fields and empty lands would be the ideal spots to move to, and if they rationed their food and did things right, him and Nagisa could survive on their own for a while as opposed to trapping themselves in their small Tokyo apartment…
“Who’s Rei?” Sousuke asked, and bit down on some meat. It tasted a bit stale, but it had not rotted yet.
Nagisa’s gaze moved to the side, and he grimaced.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sousuke stared at him and paused, munching with hypotheses crowding his mind before he swallowed.
“Fair enough.”
A long silence filled the space between them, and Nagisa occupied that time with eating. He devoured everything on the table really fast, and even when he was clearly stuffed he still shoved food in his mouth until Sousuke moved closer and grabbed his arm.
“You’re gonna throw up,” he said, “and I don’t want my food to go to waste.”
Nagisa looked up at him with a sigh, and then away.
“Sorry. It’s been five days since I last ate anything,” he explained, and finally leaned his back against the chair. “So thank you. I was really, really going to die out there.”
Sousuke bit down on his lip, wondering whether he should mention that he expected the guy to leave as soon as possible.
But he asked for something else instead.
“Have you killed anyone?”
Nagisa stilled and tensed up with his breath getting quicker as he clenched his fists, and his eyes moved down to his fidgeting hands.
“Answer that,” Sousuke pressed, nervous again, and eyed the gun that was still sitting at his side. “I want honesty.”
“I… he…” Nagisa began, and pinched the bridge of his nose regaining a little bit of control. It seemed he decided to talk about it, after all. “I mostly escaped. With… with Rei-chan. We never… we never got into anything, he would always find some way to escape. He would always think of the safest solution.”
He swallowed again around the knot that was swelling at the base of his throat, and placed a hand on his chest.
“Where is he?” Sousuke asked, and leaned forward, even though he had a clue.
Nagisa closed his eyes, and shook his head briefly.
“Dead. He…” Nagisa began, but shook his head again. “He’s gone.”
Sousuke stared at him for a few seconds, but eventually leaned back as well, moving his hand away from the gun. He’d guessed that. Nagisa really did look shaken.
“I’m sorry. Was he your friend?”
The sympathy in his voice made Nagisa’s tension ease a little bit.
“Boyfriend. We were together.”
His lips pressed together, really tight, and he swallowed a few times as he forced tears back. Breaking down in front of a stranger was probably not the best idea, right now.
Sousuke looked away, and stood up to bring his empty but dirty dish to the sink.
“So you’ve been going around and sucking dick to survive since then?”
Nagisa’s jaws clenched, and he said nothing - he did not need to retort.
Sousuke glanced back at him, and took a long sigh.
“Sorry. Since all this shit went down I forgot manners.”
“No, I... I get you,” Nagisa interrupted him, and brushed the back of his hand against his cheek. “You can’t afford manners nowadays. It’s just- I had no other way to get what I needed.”
And he smiled, nonetheless.
It was definitely a fake smile, a hiding place, a mask. It was not a genuine one, as it didn’t extend to his eyes. But it was a smile. Sousuke hadn’t seen anyone smiling for a very long time, obviously, so he kept his eyes on it.
When the smile faded, Sousuke sat down again, looking at Nagisa.

“So you survived unarmed. That sounds far-fetched, no matter how you look at it.”
Nagisa bit his own lip, and clenched his fists.
“I was lucky. And I had Rei-chan with me.”
Sousuke’s eyes narrowed. There was definitely something going on there, but he could let it go for the moment.
“Tell me what happened to him,” he said, and leaned his cheek on the palm of his hand. Nagisa saw his relaxed stance and took a long breath.

“He protected me,” Nagisa said after a few seconds of silence. He looked at the droplets rush down the kitchen’s window pane, and his voice grew distant, as he knew that brief reply would never cut it.
“We were running from a bunch of those things. I got into an empty house. I thought... I thought there would be a back exit, but there wasn’t… and they were behind us, so… so I ran to the basement.”
“Ugh, no…” Sousuke grunted, and rubbed his eyes. “That’s the stupidest thing you could’ve done!”
Nagisa nodded, still looking in the distance. “I know, but In that moment I didn’t think. I was scared, so… and, and Rei-chan came after me.”
Nagisa’s breath became quicker, as he brought his hand to his own chest again.
“Wasn’t he the smart one?”
That was not exactly the most sensible thing to say, as he received an angry look for it.
“I’m pretty sure by that point his goal wasn’t surviving anymore,” Nagisa snapped back, and pressed his lips in a thing line for a couple of seconds. “He got down there to protect me.”
Sousuke’s gaze lowered. Why had he lost his habit of thinking before speaking?
“Of course. I’m sorry.”
Nagisa sighed, still irked, and looked away again. But still, maybe sharing the story with someone would diminish the weigh on his chest...
“Anyway, he acted as a lure, so… so that they’d go to him and I’d be able to run.”
Sousuke considered that was a very basic plan, but one that would work. After all, if this Rei was as smart as Nagisa said, he’d definitely figured out something about the way this virus affected people.

He’d observed that the infected from this new virus would lose nearly all cognitive skills within minutes from coming into contact with it, a lot of their movements would become stunted and difficult, but one thing that seemed to be particularly stimulated in them - and what made them dangerous - was their impulse for violence. They would mostly act on a purely instinctual level, having lost the ability to plan complex actions. On many levels, they were like wild animals, but with an extreme impulse to attack upon seeing anything move. That was bound to be observed by anyone.

“I killed him,” Nagisa concluded, which distracted Sousuke from his thoughts. It was not entirely true, but not entirely false either, he thought.
“You panicked. You’ll do stupid things when you panic,” he offered, knowing full well that was not very comforting to say.
“Yeah,” Nagisa muttered, indeed not comforted in the slightest, and closed his eyes.
“Anything else? You really haven’t killed anyone?” Sousuke pressed, leaning in closer, and Nagisa looked to the side again.
“Well… I might have stabbed some guy who was trying to choke me. I mean… actual choking, not sexual stuff,” he added, and blushed a little.
“Yeah… I wasn’t going to think about the other thing,” Sousuke replied, raising an eyebrow. “What kind of people have you met?!”
Nagisa shrugged, with his mind still stuck on trying to bury the same memory that he also kept bringing up day after day, over and over again.
“Awful people.”
Sousuke looked at him for a while, as they both got lost in thought and only the rain chattered for them.

Compared to how tense the air was when Nagisa stepped in, both of them had relaxed a lot more, even though Sousuke at some point noticed how Nagisa would always try to shrink like he was trying to occupy less space, or even disappear. Maybe that was one way he’d survived without using weapons for so long - making himself invisible.
The air relaxed so much that eventually Nagisa looked at Sousuke again, moving closer.
“Is there something to wash up? I must stink like crap. I mean, I got drenched out there...”
Yes, he did not exactly smell like roses.
“Yeah, there are showers,” Sousuke replied, looking back at him, and yawned softly as he pointed his finger towards the locker room. “But there’s only cold water.” No electricity, no heating.
“I don’t mind,” Nagisa replied with a nod, and gave Sousuke a brief, but meaningful look. And that made Sousuke tense up a little, clenching his hand around the hem of his shirt.

He was fully aware that his looks could be attractive to other people. Before, whenever he had sex with someone they would always cling to his shoulders and coo at how strong they were, compliment his build and muscles, his eyes, his size, and tell him that he was gorgeous.
He’d used that as leverage, sometimes. But now, he definitely did not care. Good looks would not save his life now.
But that look was definitely appreciative. Or, well, it probably was, wasn’t it? It made him think that he hadn’t touched anyone in so long. The only thing he’d had to keep him company was his own hand, his memories, and nothing else. It had been so long since he’d last slept with someone, he couldn’t even remember any of those sensations, now.
Something in his guts warmed up, and his blood rushed all of a sudden. All from one gaze.
But then again, maybe that look from Nagisa meant something else. Maybe it was not that kind of look, or maybe he’d just imagined it. Maybe it meant nothing at all. He’d been pent up for months, it was absolutely possible that he had just imagined something like that - a silent invitation, or a promise. Then he reached the conclusion that no, it probably was nothing.
So he sat there in the kitchen, looking out of the window. It seemed like the rain was not going to stop anytime soon - maybe Sousuke could afford to let Nagisa sleep in, and then he’d kick him out.
So, should he let the guy stay, or not?
On one hand, he’d been lonely for a very long time, but in the end he had enjoyed quite some calm since he found this place. And also, letting Nagisa stay for a long time was bound to get risky: as harmless as he looked, he could still hide something or have harmful intentions. Maybe the whole story about ‘Rei-chan’ was a lie. And the fact that he survived for so long without weapons definitely sounded like some bullshit.

But on the other hand, maybe he’d really just been very lucky, maybe his boyfriend had really been that efficient at keeping both of them alive. And there was something about Nagisa that rung innocent and defenseless to Sousuke, somehow. Like no matter how many strangers he’d accepted to sleep with in exchange for meals, no matter the things he saw or what he was bound to have heard, he had still not adapted to the new order of things. And he had no gun. The only one in the entire building was the one lying on the table right in front of Sousuke, and he knew that for a fact since he scoured the entire place several times to make sure there weren’t any more than his own. And he did check before anything.
He had no idea what to think. But he surely was going to keep a close look on the newcomer. He was not going to let his guard down, as usual.

So naturally, after that first night, Nagisa found some way to stay. First it was his hunger, and the promise of more information. But then it quickly became a matter of having someone to talk to, for Sousuke, someone that could distract him from his own thoughts. He remembered how he never really liked having chatterboxes around, remembered thinking he felt a lot better being on his own. But after just a couple of days, Nagisa’s voice became a welcome background noise for long boring days. Talking to him was the best entertainment Sousuke could have in that situation, and as long as there were food and water they could both afford to think of something less urgent than what was strictly needed to survive.
And then it turned out Nagisa was a better ally to have around than Sousuke initially thought- one evening, when Sousuke mistakenly dropped a few plates, a herd of the infected heard it and surrounded the building. That was going to potentially turn into a problem, even though there was no entrance for them. Their presence there could lure more, and at that point it would really turn into a problem.
Sousuke grunted and opened one of the smaller secondary doors and stormed outside with his gun to take care of them, but found himself overwhelmed. He’d definitely acted on a whim, there. He would have died, if Nagisa hadn’t popped out from seemingly nowhere with a kitchen knife, and put down all of them on his own. Fast and clean. Sousuke was stunned by him, that day. First off, it seemed Nagisa was more than capable of defending himself, especially by exploiting his relatively small size and quick movements. Given how slow the infected could be, it didn’t seem too hard, being him and fighting them. And Sousuke also learnt Nagisa might have had his heart in a good place - after all, he could have just sat back and let the infected attack Sousuke -, but he also learnt that Nagisa was nothing even remotely close to defenseless. Not telling Sousuke about it had probably been the only way for him to have a chance and stay. He could not even be mad about that, just quite impressed.

And then again, it seemed like a piece of the puzzle had found its place: Nagisa being as skilled in close combat made a lot more sense than the alternative. Knowing that, Sousuke thought of how maybe collaborating would be convenient for the both of them, to grant that none of the infected would harm them. Actually, he could do with more guard and help.
Also, Nagisa had ideas and a certain positive energy, despite everything. When he regained enough energies from being well fed and started looking healthy again, he also began looking around the factory. Aside from corrections Sousuke had made to make it easier to live in and easier to defend, there was a lot to improve. A lot that could be made to make the place more pleasant to live in, too. After all, the rest of the world was outside, blocked by a heavy steel gate that could only be opened from the inside, and doors that aside from emergencies were always closed and blocked. If they had to keep on living there, they might as well make it more comfortable. That was how Sousuke began seeing something resurface, under the wreckage Nagisa had first presented himself as. Plus, he was good company.

Before him, Sousuke’s days went by agonizingly slow and filled with silence. After Nagisa’s arrival, there was a lot more to do, and now, by being a team, the both of them could plan scavenging hunts for resources, food, commodities.

They did go, a few times. The closest residential area was quite far from the factory, and Sousuke had tried looking for something around there, but had always been forced to go back with nothing since he was alone. But being a duo made all the difference. Spending the night somewhere else seemed safer now, and they could take turns with guarding each other, could cover more space in half the time by splitting, and after a month they’d stocked up on quite some food, electronics, even small comfort objects like soccer balls and books. Nagisa was an excellent team mate, too. He had probably learnt something from his previous experience, because now he made sure to avoid any place unless it had a clear and safe way out. Not to mention how, as soon as he would see roaming infected creatures, something would click inside him and would make him roar into action. That worked for small groups, but for big and spread out ones a long range weapon was necessary. Sousuke just so happened to have one, and be trained to use it.

And then, when they were safe, back in the former factory, sometimes Nagisa’s face would show a really pretty smile, which he wore more frequently as they got to know each other better. And it extended to his eyes too, now.
Sousuke tried his best to not follow such trails of thought (they were so goddamn dangerous), but sometimes it was inevitable. Sometimes being lonely for so long had made him ache for someone to talk to, someone to touch; and now that he was not alone anymore it was somehow harder to be indifferent to company, to a warm body to sit by. Someone to listen to and talk to. He had starved himself, in that sense, and it was getting difficult to keep a proper distance from Nagisa.
And any attempt to distance himself was would have been useless anyway, now: especially after gaining each other’s trust, Nagisa grew more and more attached to Sousuke’s hip, following him everywhere (just like a puppy) and sticking close to him. Even though at first Sousuke tried to keep him at arm’s length, his body had long stopped tensing up with warning alarms blaring in his head whenever Nagisa got closer.

 

(Parte 2)