Titolo: it's always you
Fandom: Free!
Personaggi: Haruka, Makoto, Nagisa/Sousuke
Genere: angst, erotico
Avvertimenti: AU, OOC (ragionevolmente), in inglese, other verse
Parole: 2509
Note: questa è per la seconda missione del COW-T (madò siamo già alla terza settimana e sta pure per finire ç_ç) e per il prompt 89 della Maritombola aka "zombie!AU" (e raggiungo i 10 prompt fillati *O*). Il setting viene da un thread che ho ruolato su tumblr, però ho riassunto la storia per la prima metà della fic (tipo 1200 parole di background, praticamente è quasi più lungo il riassunto della storia vera e propria XDDD) quindi si può leggere senza aver seguito il mio rp blog. Dico solo che è un bel po' angst, ma amo questo 'verse perché ruolandolo sono riuscita a mantenere Nagisa credibile, per quanto la backstory sia triste e il suo comportamento molto Rick Grimes e insomma, trovo abbia senso.
E sennò pace, avevo voglia di dare un'altra fic per questa settimana perché se non scrivo mi sento inutile. Bon pace via amen.

Nagisa had thought long and hard about the changes he went under during those years. He had pulled an almost complete inversion, after losing Rei. He did not tell his companions of survival, but he saw it each night in his nightmares. He saw it like it had happened yesterday, but most painfully of all, he still heard it.

The bullets flying in the air, the heavy and ill breathing of those walking corpses reaching for them, cornered in an alley, with just a gun and a baseball bat. He remembered yelling that they needed to get away from there, that shooting would only attract more of those things, while he was bashing skulls in with thick and violent sounds. And yet it seemed like Rei was determined to shoot on sight, to use every last bullet to get Nagisa out. Still, the noise he produced had made zombies crawl in his direction. And then they had lunged towards him, immediately started to devour him while he screamed, gurgled, while his body was torn to pieces in the hands of the walking dead. Nagisa remembered staring powerless, yelling out, crying, and then Rei had whined in pain while ordering him to run away.

He remembered being unable to move until those things turned around having consumed the boy. The blond had felt unable to breathe, to move, too wrecked inside to really feel anything. That world had changed him, but in those two long, excruciatingly painful moment, everything about him had changed, he was not himself. And then he had turned around, running for dear life until he passed out on a bench, not caring about being found by the dead or not.

Miraculously, he had survived. And he had done just that ever since. Survived, as in only lived to get at the end of the day, torturing himself with questions about whether he could have avoided it all. Whether he could have suggested an alternative route, whether he could have saved Rei, his best friend, his only friend, the only person he could still afford to love and talk to and put his trust in. He had twisted his brains, squeezed them, desperately held onto the temptation of ending it all, throwing himself in the middle of a group of rotters, die. That kind of experience could not have left him the same. Being alone with a desperate need to touch someone or talk to someone with no one around that he could form even an elementary bond with, that had made him close around himself. Made him dry, empty, just a mannequin in the hands of chance.

Until he had met people again. At first it had been Haruka, a silent, quiet, innocent boy who just came off as weird since all he seemed to care for were mackerel and water, and nothing else. And as silent and unresponsive as he had seemed to be, protecting him and being protected by him in a sort of silent deal had seemed to make him realize he was still human, he was not one of them. He had carefully allowed himself to feel, and as predicted it had made him smile and laugh again, but also made his thoughts run back. Back to Rei's screaming, to the gunshots, to the sound of his own heart being clenched in the strongest hold.

But then Nagisa learnt that his new acquaintance actually did care about one other thing.

Just after Nagisa had completely lost reason for a few minutes there, after seeing Rei butchered by death and bites and blood, after destroying everything that was left of him with his heart freezing, another boy had come across them. He had brown hair, green eyes, and the most innocent, kind look. And Nagisa knew him, but so did Haruka. Nagisa had come across love once again, saw it from someone else's point of view. This time it had been him looking from the outside, having nobody left to share it with anymore.

He had been, once again, as lonely as before. He knew how important that kind of bond was, so he had just sat on the sidelines quietly, left Haruka and Makoto find each other again after years of looking for one another after having lost their respective tracks. Makoto had hugged Nagisa in front of a warm fire, which felt so nice, so nostalgic, which made him want Rei to be there. That absence had broken him down once too many. He was tired of feeling. If only he could be dead, he would maybe have found his bespectacled boy somewhere on the other side.

But he was still in this world, dealing with the remains of death and human cruelty with two other minuscule forms of life that, together with him, were so hopelessly powerless.

And he was so different from the solar, bubbly boy he used to be.

But that boy with a smile constantly plastered on his face had reappeared in his eyes and face just as they tiredly made their way to an isolated building. Inside, was a big, well-built boy more or less their age. Only the young had a chance at survival, evidently. He was gorgeous, silent, only a bit intimidating. Nagisa had liked that he had seemed to be pushing everybody away emotionally. Haruka and Makoto had tried to keep their distance, but Nagisa had pushed and pushed to get close with this new man, to the point of becoming invasive. That was him. That was him once again, and he had found solace in acting like he would have had once. Like he had done with Rei. It was so similar, it was so heartbreaking, it was so exciting. He had scooped, bound himself, tiptoed and then forced himself closer, uncomfortably closer, warmly closer, unbearably closer, seducingly closer. His craving for human contact was exploding through him. And it was making him shiver, blush, act like a teenager all over again. Like he had done so many times. Like he could really go back in time and re-live his high school years. He could not, but deluding himself with a one-night-stand seemed to be a small baby step towards some paliative for comfort. There was none left in this world, but fucking sadness away would seem to be appropriate for an end of the world scenario. And so he had quietly snuck through Sousuke's arms and legs and into his eyes and on his lips. He had found animalistic relief in seducing this giant, truly handsome male with experience, with his own looks and smiles, with relaxed ease and mouth crushing. And now they were both naked, with the bigger pinning him down on a rudimental, hard mattress in the cold of the night. But Nagisa did not care.

He kissed, closed his eyes, pushed Rei away repeatedly, bit into Sousuke's mouth and groans until nothing was in his mind anymore. Only sensing their bodies move together, grind, sweat, share body warmth, intertwine and enter one another like a key and a hole, maybe through that door could Sousuke find relief for Rin's premature departure - Rin, whom Haruka knew and would hear the horrible news about only the next morning - and Nagisa could finally find a reason, one to keep dear and to clench against his chest desperately just like he did with Rei's glasses, the only thing he had left of him.

Sousuke was inside of him, with his huge pectorals pressed on the blond’s back while he thrusted, and the smaller male was biting down hard on his lip to the point where he stopped feeling anything beside the pain through his body. Sousuke had not exactly penetrated him dry, but they had no lube either, and Nagisa was not used to this anymore. He was tight, incredibly tight, and his body had trouble keeping up with the other boy’s movements, with his body, with the sheer need for sex they both had. They had both buried it under tonnes of pain and fear while surviving, but now that they were fed and safe - for the moment - they could finally concede themselves that kind of diversion. Which, by the way, was turning out to be exactly what they both needed. Nagisa needed to experience some pain that would not be an emotional one, and Sousuke simply needed a body to hold again while pushing himself into it. A warm body, soft skin to kiss and bite, an earlobe to tug playfully with his teeth. It was just sex, but when he closed his eyes Sousuke saw Rin and their mornings in bed, his hair stuck to his forehead, his constantly crooked smile, his eyebrows giving his face and eyes more expressions than he could count. Right now, on a rudimental mattress made with old clothes and sheets, he was giving that torture a physical grasp too. Nagisa wasn’t reliving anything. He just wanted to feel something. Sensations were his drugs once and now he lived in a world where he had to escape them.

Sousuke’s hands dug into his hips, his own slamming into Nagisa and forcing him to mute himself or at best let out wheezing noises, shaking and keeping the cries in to avoid waking the other two males up.

“Nagisa,” Sousuke breathed. “Nagisa.” He leaned over on the other’s back, bit down on his throat, kept him in place while mounting him like a dog. But while doing so, he also reached around Nagisa’s body, pumping his hand around the other erection. It fit comfortably inside his hand, and Nagisa had to swallow harder to not moan aloud.

He, himself, was feeling like his body was on fire. Warm, alive, and burning all over. He was sure he would be unable to walk straight the next morning, and yet he could not bring himself to fucking care. His breathing was fast-paced, heavy, his hands were hurting from keeping himself from falling on his face, and his legs were trembling, and his eyes were squeezed shut so tight that he did not even see the usual blurs of color behind his eyelids. All he saw was darkness and little dots appearing and he thought not even when he desperately wanted to stop thinking about the complete void in his chest, everything had to remind him of it.

And then his mind flew for a second. About how Rei would be gentle, how he would keep asking whether this or that was okay, how getting fucked by him was love and words and then he realized it: he had idealized Rei all that time. He opened his eyes while his view was shaking from all the thrusting. Rei was not better, more romantic or less animalistic. He had done more or less the same things. He had thrusted into him a bit like that. Of course, he did not have Sousuke’s body, but he had been almost the same. Romanticism was elsewhere. Nagisa looked back with the corner of his eye and saw Sousuke’s torso lifted up, his jaw outlined against the dim light, his body swelling and relaxing along with his breaths. They were both adults, and this meant nothing. Just like Rei and Rin meant nothing now. They were just corpses lying in two different places letting flies and parasites consume them.

Literally nothing else. Nagisa wanted to cry. Sousuke stopped thinking when his orgasm started to shake through him and squeeze his buttocks.

This meant nothing. But Sousuke was as gentle as someone could be in this world, and Nagisa knew his problem was that he once felt so much that now feeling anything at all would be a stab right through himself.

Sousuke gave a few more thrusts, and wrapped his other hand around Nagisa’s neck to feel his crazy pulse, and then whispered Nagisa again, and with a low groan he finally climaxed, shoved right into the other, followed it up with a few more of his hips rolling and soft groaning, and then easily flipped Nagisa on his back. Without taking even a moment to pause, he left a couple of kisses down the skinnier male’s body - he wasn’t there to give him foreplay after all - and when his mouth closed around the blond’s sex, Nagisa’s legs instinctively raised up, blocking his neck in place with their knees.

The blond covered his mouth with his wrist, biting on it while being finished off in the sweetest way he could imagine, his hips buckling and thrusting and fucking right into Sousuke’s mouth and it felt good now. No more pain, just pure bliss while little whining noises were coaxed out of his throat.

He dove his fingers through the older man’s hair, pulled on them, and all thoughts were erased for a few seconds - the best few seconds he had ever had in a long time - while he came into a man’s mouth, a man whom he had just met, and he did not care. Sousuke took a few seconds to spit, before reaching up again and kissing him, hard, long, with his taste being swapped between them. Nagisa was just coming back from his high when Sousuke lay next to him, and the natural thing to do was, for him, to touch his chest which was lifting and lowering fast.

“Nice,” he breathed, running his fingers through his own hair. Sousuke replied with a low, absent grunt. He then wrapped himself around the other, kissed his neck, looked at him through droopy teal eyes.

Nagisa cried. He was not even sure what about - if he had to pick one thing to be desperate over, he would need days just to find one reason that would be somehow more relevant than others. He turned his head, draped an arm over his eyes, and just let it out. He tried not to make noise, but he could not help the sobs. His chest was feeling like it would burst if he did not let all the venom out of his system. Sousuke was aware of it, but said nothing. He just looked over as long as he could, watched the other calm down after a few minutes, welcomed him in his arms with no need for an explanation or words at all. They just needed to sleep. Nagisa curled up into Sousuke’s chest, looked for the darkest and warmest spot he could find on it, nuzzled into it until he started to feel really tired, and finally let himself relax.

Sousuke sighed, before falling asleep as well. The world outside was just the same conglomerate of death and dry inhumanity, lost screams to an empty sky that the next day would welcome the survivors under it with a pale, cold light which would remind them the world was over. But for tonight, they could all lose themselves in their past, in their sleep, in their own bodies. Tomorrow would be a problem for tomorrow.