Titolo: I'll whisk away your heart sigh and bury it in mine
Fandom: Free!
Personaggi: Sousuke Yamazaki/Nagisa Hazuki
Genere: malinconico, erotico
Avvertimenti: future!fic, in inglese
Parole: 1215
Note: sempre per la Notte Bianca di free_perlatrama. Il prompt è qui. E niente, vorrei dire che tutta sta fic è scritta in modo strano per me perché stavo ascoltando i Purity Ring, ma mi piace com'è, quindi amen, stica *ride imbarazzata*


The first hours in their days are so dull. Sometimes the sun shining orange through the space between the buildings opposite their own is too cold for him to want to leave his sheets in the morning. Sometimes he lies back on the mattress looking up to the ceiling while burying his face in a childish way into the warm sheets only to smell their scents mixed together. He wonders how Nagisa still smells like youth when they are both going on thirty - well, he himself is going on thirty-one - and a lot of their lives is gone. Still, the blond man lying on his left always seems to gain infinite power from the sun and the soft sensations crawling through his body in the morning. He observes him rise up, sitting on the mattress, look around confused only to smile down into Sousuke's own teal sleepy ones with that unchanged wide grin of his. He never changed much.
"Hello," he whispers, dives and melts into the other man's chest, neck, inhales his scent, hums almost as he had never smelled him before.
"Hello, sunshine," Sousuke replies, with a bored tone despite the joyful devil with his lips on his own skin, despite the idle shivers turning his body on. It's always like this, and yet lately the one reason to be uncomfortable is back, as in his shoulder, the one he wrecked like a stranded ship which washed ashore after years of attempts to put it back together, dragging him helpless together with it. One limb should not have enough power to stop an entire body. The one he ruined for Rin, which seemed to be an even worse, bitter mouthful after trying to win his heart. Which seemed to be all a wasted sacrifice when he got together with Nagisa, which seemed so unlikely.

Their day starts and carries on unchanged, Sousuke can feel time slip under his professional shoes like it was a treadmill, and his legs were walking interrupted, going nowhere. His life flowing next to Nagisa feels like a wasted opportunity, his body lying next to him at night feels like the blond is wasted on him, and yet every time they meet in the evening when seeing him stretched out on the sofa singing out tunes like a teenager, he just never wants to let go of this.
It's a routine in itself, but one he tells himself is good enough, it makes a good life, even though all his idiotic dreams crumbled to pieces one after the other. Maybe he already is living the dream he was meant for.

Nagisa's fingers trace the shape of his shoulder blades in the evening when Sousuke is lying on his stomach, which is still fit and lean because of the therapy - he will have to keep his shoulder in motion no matter what all his life - and he sits softly on the bigger male's legs while he expertly - at this point - starts undoing the knots in his back and then massages his shoulder with care. Sousuke's eyes fall close now, because of the tenderness, the way his muscles seem to react to Nagisa's pressure and motions. Together with that gentle rubbing, always come kisses, licks, sweet words, but not today. He opens an eye, feeling they are missing, something is wrong. Nagisa stops, lost in thought with his eyes opaque.
"Nagisa?" He asks, with a surprised inflection in his voice.
"Mmm?" The other replies, coming back down and then giving him a fragile smile, one of those that suggest he is still lost.
"What's wrong?"
His question meets a wall of silence, but as he senses something is surely wrong, he picks Nagisa up like a pet puppy from the ground: he turns around and welcomes him in his big arms, warm embrace, lulling him with worry.
"Remember when you said you don't like your life, today?" Nagisa finally asks, and he can hear his heart crack a little.
"What is it you don't like?"
Sousuke looks down at him, as his own finger play with golden strands of hair, he shrugs quietly. "I'm not satisfied. You aside, life was pretty disappointing for me."
"Me aside?" Nagisa repeats, looking up with his magenta taking sad tints.
"Yeah. You're the one thing that didn't go wrong."
"I'm not your crutch, Sousuke, I'm your partner, and your life is good. You have a job and we can spend moments like these together," the smaller scolds him, but he understands. Still, he hates seeing him sad. He wishes Sousuke was never sad, that they could always smile and mean it, yet adult life is too tough on both of them. But if he doesn't pick up the shreds of his morale with little pep talks like this, he feels like he is going to lose him.
"Still."
Still. But. It's just. What if. It's not enough. And it's always how these conversations ends, it's like an itch none of them can scratch away.
Nagisa curls up anxiously, seeking refuge from his own feelings mixing up and turning gradually darker. Sousuke's arms wrap around him knowing exactly where they stand, and where his dissatisfaction is.
"That's not your problem, Nagisa," he mutters, already pissed at himself. For having a problem, for not being a ray of sun the whole time. In perspective, it's a fairly normal thing, and yet he hates seeing his own mood poison the person beside him.
"But it is, Sou-chan," Nagisa retorts, smiling instead of frowning. Sou-chan hits him like a warm embrace after a winter spent wandering in the snow. It has the dry but pleasant qualities of summers gone long ago, a seasoned bubbly aftertaste of soda, the levity of adolescence when problems seemed to be the world while now they are just inconveniences. The smile appearing on his face is akin to the ones he always filled up with gentleness and hope when he thought to have a chance, when his goal was Rin, following him, being on par with him, swim with him for life. But now Rin is with the champions, with Nanase, with countless other athletes swimming too far for him to even think of catching up with. He is stranded, and yet Nagisa has his back pressed together with his own, maintaining balance.
The blond man straddles him then, with a cheeky smile he knows belongs to intimacy, and Sousuke instantly knows, with his hands leaning on the other's hips. His skin gets slowly uncovered, the bits of warmth between their legs grinding and fueling themselves. Excitement is lazy but pleasant, it wraps them up comfortably, repeating perfect gestures and wet kisses are like a rehearsed dance that always feels new. It's as they were listening to their favorite song.
Sousuke's body relaxes, his hands explore a body he knows well, a body that always feels and smells and tastes of home, family, love. That could be enough to carry me through another day, he thinks as tiny, thin however soft lips awaken shivers down his body and his own fingers find their place on Nagisa's head. The blond kisses with fast breaths between his legs. His voice flows out sweet, warm, intense, it resonates in their little intimate world.