Titolo: We could run away, run away from here.
Fandom: Free!
Personaggi: Nagisa/Rei, Nagisa/Gou, Rin/Ai
Genere: romantico
Avvertimenti: Soulmate!AU & Splash Free!AU, ace!Gou, in inglese
Parole: 3700
Note: per la Notte Bianca @ maridichallenge, perché ovviamente l'unica volta che scrivo per una iniziativa che non richiede il maggior numero di parole possibili, io ovviamente butto fuori 4000 parole. Ok.


What a surprise... Rei didn't think he'd hear from her, certainly not meet up with her. Not after that day when she caught them in her bed and threatened to cover them both in shame... but she looks different now. She does not look like the determined, angry young woman she did a few years ago. He surely did not expect her to contact him through common acquaintances and ask him to meet. He is only curious about what may have happened, for her to talk to him at all...
"Hello, Gou-san," he begins in a quiet, but cold and impersonal tone, standing next to a fountain where she is sitting, all curled up, looking miserable: her maroon hair is disheveled, the tension in her face conveys all the anguish she is feeling and even though Rei resents her, he cannot help sensing a sting in his chest and to his guts. "Did you want to talk to me?" He adds, as politely as he can, considering that in a way she took his love away from him, and a possibly happy life as well. Every day, something is missing and that is because of her, in his mind.
"Yes," she replies, fidgeting. Her hands are still beautiful - after all it's only been four or five years - but they look older than they should. She looks like she is carrying the weight of fifty years of anger and pain on her shoulders. And still, she is so beautiful that Rei wonders whether Nagisa eventually fell in love with her. "Please, sit down with me."
And so he does. She is being polite, thus the least he could do would be hearing her out. As soon as they are both sitting, she takes a long sigh, and Rei can clearly see her nibble at her lip in doubt, scrambling for a beginning to what she has to say.
"I am sorry," she finally starts, looking down at the dusty ground which surrounds them for miles and miles before melting into sandy and infinite desert. Around them are groups of people wearing kaftans, veils; some of them yell for customers in a rough, startling voice, others carry on their daily duties because time is precious and every day should be productive.
Rei nods, however he does not answer: he simply remains where he is, silent, waiting for anything else she might have to say. The thought of standing up and leaving touches him - after all, is this not all she had to tell him? -, but he keeps still anyway, staring at the same ground she is looking down at.
"I called you here because Nagisa-kun is not well," she continues, with her dark coffee eyes squinting just a little. Her voice feels definitely forced, as if she was fighting against every word. "I did not manage being a good enough wife for him."
Of course Nagisa isn't well. Expecting him to be alright with half of him missing is ludicrous, and the same applies to Rei. His fists clench in his lap, and his teeth grit at the knowledge that after all, Nagisa has been torn apart like Rei has.
"What do I have to do with it?" He asks, his voice sharp. She seems to detect every scratch to it, because she almost flinches despite the low tone and the superficial politeness to that question. "He is your husband, I have nothing to do with him," he adds, almost in a growl. Somehow, he does not say 'I told you so', even though he could and would have every reason to.
"Everything," she replies, blunt, but then looks at him with a gaze that says: wait, listen to what I have to say. So he does. He takes a deep breath, fighting the urge to stand up and go away.
"Nagisa-kun never ran away. He almost never failed to fulfill his duties as a husband," she starts but already shifts in discomfort. "Even though, for me, it never felt any real... of course."
Rei smiles despite himself: Nagisa is strong, much stronger than people ever gave him credit for. Despite being parted from an almost physical part of him, he endured it and - the most infuriating thing of all - made himself small and unnoticeable to avoid bringing pain around him. Except that never worked, Rei has been knowing him for fifteen years by now and that sort of attitude never did help. Rei always noticed. Rei always stored pain at the sight of it.
"However, I didn't give up," she adds, and frowns.
"It is precisely because you never gave up that you both are miserable, Gou-san," he replies, unable to hold it in.
"Yes." She remembers insisting to marry Nagisa. She is from a good, rather wealthy family and Nagisa was the nicest man she had met among all those her parents found for her. Arranged marriages are still widespread since some individuals do have someone who is meant for them, but the majority was always made of people who need to build a durable, happy relationship through patience and kindness, who are not lucky enough to have those relationships written beforehand by someone else. She is one of them. She always thought she would manage capturing Nagisa through constant care and familiarity, and yet... "He isn't happy," she admits, finally, through hard lips that seem to fight against forming those words. "It's making me miserable too."
Rei's look hardens, he has to look away to avoid saying something unkind. Of course Nagisa isn't happy. Rei does not care for Gou's happiness. Everything is exactly as he expected. He had foreseen it all, he had told her so, and yet she kept wanting Nagisa to marry her, because he was kinder than most and smiled despite his destiny. All those other men never smiled for her, even out of politeness, even as a reassuring lie. A smile was always all she ever needed, and despite the absolutely empty feel Nagisa's smiles always had, at least he did. At least he cared enough to show her some kindness. None of those other men saw her as someone who needed to be happy.
"I just want you to understand, it is not as if I had a real choice," she goes on, her voice low and humble. "I was set up for marriage. I had to marry someone. Nagisa-kun was the best choice, or... the least horrible choice I had. I never desired a husband or, well, the other things that come with weddings," she mentions, blushing profusely. "I only ever desired to be happy and Nagisa-kun was my best chance."
Rei's hands unclench, then, for something unknown and incredibly cold seems to have wrapped up around his heart. He looks at her and recognizes survival.
"Nagisa-kun is kinder than most," he finally replies, his voice softening despite the fact that he has not experienced Nagisa's brand of unconditioned love in years. "He is loud, and childish, and stubborn, and he never knows when to give up and brings trouble everywhere," he complains, although he does so with a smile. "But he is definitely very kind."
Gou nods, biting down on her lip. "I... am sorry for that time," she continues, only glancing sideways at Rei. "And I am sorry for making him promise. I never expected him to do exactly as he promised."

"Let me be with him for a day," Nagisa said a few days before the wedding, with the pleading eyes of someone who is desperate for water, in the unforgiving desert surrounding them. "Just let me spend a bit of time alone with him and I'll do my best to be whatever you need me to be for the rest of the time. I'll do my best to make you happy, just give me one day of this thing I want for myself."

"He smiles at me every time he thinks I need to see it. He helps, and even tries to make me laugh, because he knows I need to. But it's never been real. Once I asked him why he does not cry, and he said... he said that he cannot cry because he is a man, and that besides, if he starts then he'll never stop. I never saw him crying, but I think he is, constantly. I need your help, Rei-san," she finally confesses, finally looking at Rei with all the despair she keeps inside. "I need you to make him happy. I cannot go on like this."
Rei finally looks back at her, frowning with his eyes wide as if she was mad. His stomach twists unpleasantly, and he shakes his head in disbelief.
"How? How can I help? You're married to him. I stayed away to make it easier, for him, for both of you, and for myself. If I get closer to him, then it will be like none of those efforts to try and live separate will have been worthless."
"Take him with you," she replies, looking back down, and the ground gets wet with a tear. "Take him home with you, and let me see him smile and mean it. Even though he won't be smiling for me."
"Gou-san..." Rei replies, unable to say anything else at first. "I don't know what you want from me. I cannot just... do what you ask. You are married. I cannot touch that," he breathes out, helpless, forbidding himself from believing maybe there is a chance to be with Nagisa after all. Because if he really takes Nagisa away from Gou, everyone will judge them, maybe kill them. Marriage is sacred, and not to be touched, after all.
"I don't know how. Just do me this favor, even though I surely cannot ask for anything from you," she insists, knowing in her heart that she is asking for trust that might not be given to her.
And Rei feels his own heart clench for her. If he and Nagisa were to be happy together, what would be of her? She would be killed for breaking a sacred bond. She would be called names, dishonored, she would be dragged through the mud. He suddenly tells himself that she does not deserve any of it.
"Let us run away," he blurts out, even though he is fully aware of how crazy that sounds the moment he says it. "The three of us. Let us find a place where people will not know us, and where you will be able to live on your own if you so desire. Me and Nagisa-kun, we would take care of ourselves and you," he adds, now burning with the fire that possibility lit up in him. "It is crazy, but better than abandoning you. I know Nagisa-kun would hate me and himself if we were to leave alone. I am sure that on some level he grew to love you, after all. You are a good person, Gou-san."
She looks at him the same way she would look at the star-lit sky. Fear fills her up, and she wonders: does he mean it? Can they find such a place? Can they cross through the desert and survive it? Can they really get along after everything that happened? Rei stands up, with a firm frown.
"Take me to him."

The moment Rei enters their home, Nagisa is attempting to fix a hole on the ceiling. The moment he notices Rei is there, though, his eyes widen and the hammer in his hand drops, hitting him in the head. But he does not even seem to feel the blow, he simply rubs through his blond mane while staring in disbelief at his wife and his soulmate standing next to each other. It is not like that has never happened, but this time there is something in their stance, their look, something vibrating in the air.
"Rei-chan?" He finally murmurs, as if he had not seen the man in forever despite the fact that they live in the same village and pretend not to acknowledge each other for each other's sake, when they cross each other's paths in daily life. "What are you doing here?"
"Nagisa-kun, I know you are miserable," Gou starts, shyly, but with her heart thrumming with the danger she feels she is going to face. But after all, all she has to lose is her life. 'I can save it or lose it,' she told Rei, with a smile. 'I'd rather try and save it or die trying. By the way, I don't need any of you to take care of me, I can do it.'
"I'm... I tried not to be," Nagisa replies, confused, looking from Rei to Gou in an attempt to find an explanation for that aura of hope they give out.
Me and Rei-san have a plan," she continues, convinced about it now. "We are going to leave, the three of us. We're going to pretend we're not married, so you and Rei-san... you can be together," she adds, her voice lowering to a careful hush but coming through a tender, hopeful smile. "And I can try to be on my own. I can try and make myself a life without being obligated to be with someone."
Nagisa gasps, his lips moving without giving out words, his eyes blowing open wide, and his eyelids fluttering furiously while trying to process the idea.
"Would that be alright with you?" He asks, finally feeling the unfamilar warmth of hope sparkling in his guts. "Wouldn't... wouldn't that be dangerous?"
"I just want to see you smile, and mean it. I just want to decide how I am going to live," Gou replies, clenching her fists with fear. "If I do not try, I will be unhappy for the rest of my life, I will regret it. If we do this, at least we will have a chance at being a bit happier. If we get caught..."
She bites down on her lip, envisioning the possibility. She does not need to voice what will happen. It is terrible, and they all know it.
"I am not that brave," Nagisa replies, but looks at Rei. "But can we... can we really do that? Rei-chan?"
Rei's smile dies out a little.
"It's the only way for us to be together and whole again..." He replies, not giving any certainty.
Nagisa stares at him, still quite in shock, but then his expression clears up. His eyes brighten and water, his face seems to turn several years younger. On his face, a child's grin spreads and seems to take them all back before the mistakes and if Rei tried, he would be able to forget about everything. On his side, Gou's expression fills with wonder.
"I've never seen him smile like that," she whispers, in awe, as if she'd seen the sun for the first time.
"That's how he used to smile all the time," Rei replies, looking at her. "This is the right thing. We'll go away," he decides, before dropping on the floor from being hit by something, and only when he finds himself sprawled on the floor he realizes Nagisa pounced him and kissed his cheek.
"I'm right here!" He squeaks with a childish but happy whine, as if his personality turned all of a sudden. However, Rei knows that is just how he really was all along.
Gou emits a little yelp. She looks down at them, then to the door, to make sure nobody is looking, and then gives them both a big smile.
But she quickly turns serious again, and walks in a hurry towards her room. Rei and Nagisa turn to look in that direction, both a bit startled and confused.
"Gou-chan, what are you doing?" Nagisa calls, standing up and stretching his hand to help Rei on his feet as well, their hands staying linked. He's not sure he'd ever be able to let it go now.
"We're leaving tonight," she replies, after they reached her in hers and Nagisa's bedroom. "I am not waiting. Nagisa-kun, gather your things," she orders, pointing a finger at him with determination. "I should have talked to you long ago," she adds, softly, towards Rei who smirks at Nagisa's blinking.
"What...?"
"I'm saying thank you," she specifies, with a smile. "Go, go, go!" She then adds, pinching Nagisa's cheek as she drags him one way to send him off to their room, and then pushing Rei out of their house. "You too! And we'll meet by the fountain at one in the morning," she whispers at Rei, with a grateful bow. He looks at her for a few seconds, before wobbling home in shock as he finally begins processing the events of the day.
"This is crazy," Nagisa tells her, seemingly unable to stop smiling.
"It's worth it, though. Your smile is beautiful," she hums, ahead of herself.
Nagisa blushes, before reminding himself to pack his most useful things in a canopy bag.
"Are we going to travel by foot?"
"Yes, unless we find some other way before night," she replies, shaking her shoulders. "We don't have money to buy some, and it'd be suspicious if we did, so..."
Nagisa groans, but then shrugs thinking again, then nods.

They leave when everything is pitch black, and only the lights in the sky give direction to their steps. As soon as they reach the place looking like an oasis near the last houses towards the outside of the village, Nagisa gasps startled the moment a figure straightens up. A figure that is not Rei.
He looks behind, at Gou, for one shameful moment wondering whether he was tricked, whether his dreams and new hopes have only led him to a fateful bad end...
But Gou only sighs, taking the lead as the person in front of them waves.
"Onii-chan!" She hisses, shaking her head. "You shouldn't be here, I said I'm leaving without you!"
"The fuck you're leaving without me! I'm coming with you. Father told me he's setting me up as well and honestly I'm having none of it," her brother replies, once she and Nagisa are close enough.
"You told your family?" Nagisa asks, more surprised than worried now.
"I told Onii-chan," Gou specifies, and then sighs impatient. "Where's Rei-kun?" She asks, looking around with her hands on her hips, while she noticed that Rin filled quite a lot of water bags, which... admittedly was a good idea.
"I'm here!" Rei trills, panting and trotting towards them with two bags worth of goods. "I was looking at my maps and planning the route."
"Fine, let's go," Gou exhales, tense, looking around to make sure they did not wake up anybody.
"Not yet," Rin halts them as they begin walking away, and Nagisa tilts his head at him, his nerves tensing once more.
"What's wrong?" He asks, his breath quickening. He is well, and definitely electrified, but will not relax until they will have put as many miles as possible between them and the village.
"The horses," Rin replies, with a sigh. "Nitori's coming with the horses. I thought that'd be more comfortable than walking."
"The royal stableman? How many people are coming?" Nagisa asks, almost squeaking.
"Who planned this?!" Rei cries out, promptly getting shushed by everyone else.
"We sort of came up at the last moment. You're not the only one who's got a male soulmate, you know," Rin retorts, arching an eyebrow.
"Huh..." Nagisa begins, and a careful sound of hooves interrupts him before he gets a chance at a reply.
"There he is," Rin smiles, sharp and proud, while a few more figures advance towards them in the night.
"I apologize!" The newly-arrived hostler squeaks softly, looking with a certain anxiety behind him. "They were being fussy..." He says referring to the four horses surrounding him.
"It's fine," Rin reassures him, planting a kiss on the top of his head. Despite the almost full darkness, Rei can swear Nitori is flushed red.
"Aiichirou Nitori, I am pleased to meet you!" The small man introduces himself, bowing and squeaking, sounding very shy and very nervous.
"Yeah, okay, nice to meet you, but we'll talk later. Let's go," Gou cuts everyone off in a rush, afraid that someone will wake up.
"By the way, you didn't tell me you had a soulmate, Onii-chan," she adds, while climbing on a brown mare.
"Well, now you know," Rin replies, shrugging as he climbs on a black one. "Want to ride with me, Ai?"
"I'd rather ride my own horse," Nitori replies, mounting the biggest animal in the small group, a white stallion.
"I was trying to be romantic," Rin mumbles, before looking at Nagisa and Rei. "Guess that leaves you two with one horse..."
"It's not a problem," Rei replies, climbing on the last horse, a spotted white and brown tall one, then stretches an arm to Nagisa who hesitates, looking behind at the village before smiling so bright he might end up lighting their way in the darkness, and climbing up as well in front of his soulmate. Rei grabs the reins, and Nitori checks that they have everything with them, before leading the group out and away.
"Ah, I would've hated to walk through the desert..." Nagisa sighs with relief once the village is out of sight, finally.
"You're welcome," Nitori replies, his sight firmly fixed ahead.
"Ai, give me a kiss now?" Rin hums, trotting beside him.
"Not now," the other replies, firmly and with a severe tone in his voice.
"He's playing hard to get," Rin comments, with a little disappointed blush.
"I'll kiss you!" Nagisa chirps, and then giggles at Rei's arms tensing up around him. "I was joking."
Gou looks at him, still bewildered.
"I didn't know you could joke," she says quietly.
"You'll grow tired of it, listen to me," Rei replies, with a smirk.
"So mean!" Nagisa echoes him, before turning his head around and kissing him a bit uncomfortably, but happy.
Gou looks at them, at the small company with her, and then finally, finally allows herself to smile, for real.