Titolo: Fishing for fallen light

Fandom: Sk8 - The Infinity 

Personaggi: Ainosuke Shindo/Tadashi Kikuchi

Genere: erotico, introspettivo, romantico (??) 

Parole: 2558

Avvertimenti: post-finale quindi spoilers, bdsm, in inglese, scritta al cellulare quindi format dubbio 

Note: ma da quanto tempo non facevo lo specchietto per postare? Troppo T____T devo ringraziare la Utsumi perché per UNA volta mi ha dato una cosa bella che neanche sapevo di volere, però ho ricevuto una grazia. Non irrilevante è anche il fatto che ha fatto incazzare le anti, il che è un plus non da poco <3 comunque niente, sono bellissimi e mi hanno fatto male al cuore e Adam è meraviglioso. Tadashi anche, spero che se ci sarà una seconda stagione lo approfondiranno un po’. Intanto io sto qui a celebrare il fatto di aver scritto di nuovo dopo BEN UN ANNO. y_y 

“Tadashi,” he mumbles as soon as the sweet scent of coffee and breakfast wakes him up. 

No answer. 

“Tadashi?!” He repeats, louder, his red eyes flying open as he sits up all of a sudden, grasping on the sheet. Might he have… 

“Yes?” The other’s voice comes accompanied with a wave of relief, as Tadashi opens the bathroom’s door, frictioning his hair with a towel. 

Ainosuke’s entire body relaxes, his scrunched up face becoming quiet and serene again. He didn’t even hear the shower, but that made sense. Last night they stayed up way past their usual bedtime. Unfortunately, not to do anything fun. Just work. 

“Uh… it’s nothing,” he says, deciding at this point he might as well just get up. While Tadashi retreats back in the bathroom’s humidity, he wears his handmade night dress, full of baroque flowers and golden threading. He grabs a cigarette, sliding the balcony’s door open and breathing the summer in. 

He’s grown soft. Too soft, hisses the echo of a bitter voice in his head. He’s never relied on anyone, much less that person, until not too long ago. He tried escaping the person he had become after the board incident, but he has grown accustomed to living within the tight boundaries of himself after long years and years of darkness and restrictions. 

Loneliness was bitter. Loneliness was also reassuring. After all, once alone nobody would have any possibility to betray him. But the stab of fear he’d felt just earlier said something different. 

He’s been aching for that person this whole time. The whole time everything he’s done was to push him, ultimately, to make him care — even just a bit. 

Not about his career, not about his physical well-being. About him. 

His mistake was assuming he was not being cared for by the only person who was kind enough to see him crying, as a child, and reach out. 

Tadashi slides outside as well without being heard, but Ainosuke feels him close nonetheless. He puffs some smoke out, and a smile appears naturally on his face. Tadashi looks at it maybe a bit too long. Is it weird that he still finds it a bit weird? 

A smile. Just that. Not a cruel grin upon looking down on a defeated opponent, not a lustful smirk while setting eyes on yet another of his endless list of ‘Eves’. His eyes warm, soft with a tenderness that is only for Tadashi. 

He was never the kind of person to think in those terms. Neither of them ever was. 

It’s been taking a while for Ainosuke to shrug Adam off, or at least most of him, his cruelty, his constant lying and cowardice. He’d been inside of a costume for a long time, long enough that his resentment, his bitterness, the flamboyant exaggeration of everything he’d never been allowed to just openly be… it had eventually started sticking on his skin, hiding in his eyes even when talking politics and dealing with the economics of his campaign. 

After all, Adam had been useful, in a way. Tadashi knows it was a bad shell, but beggars cannot choose what their lifeline will be. He only realized this recently, or at the very least his understanding has become better only in the last few weeks, while settling in his new role, even though the place that was always his didn’t really change, since the spot reserved for him is right by Ainosuke’s side. 

Ainosuke has taken his time in bidding farewell to Adam, only keeping some vestiges with him. The charming parts. Some of the perverted parts.

 He’s trying to get rid of the anger, but it’s proven to have rooted itself deep within him. He’s been raging for over fifteen years now, unable to calm the resentment, the sense of betrayal. The hurt. 

Just yesterday he said he’s starting to see things more clearly, he’s even beginning to see what Tadashi’s intentions were. Sure, after racing Langa his vision has gotten so much clear, but of course a race could not be enough to uproot years of pain and rage and voices in his head hissing that he was alone and would always be alone and he’d better not trust anybody. 

Trusting Tadashi completely will be a challenge for a long time still. Just a few minutes ago a part of his mind thought Tadashi had left. Again. And another part of his mind had said, he would be right. 

He sighs, Tadashi leans on the wide balcony’s railing, and Ainosuke looks at him. He’s already fully dressed in his impeccable suit and tie. 

Such a shame, because he looks so beautiful without clothes. Maybe with a dildo up his ass. 

“Good morning,” says Tadashi, cautious, searching Ainosuke’s eyes. It doesn’t take him long to find them.  

“Beautiful day, my love,” Ai replies, puffing smoke softly in his face, and then smirking. “Sleep well?” 

“You sounded scared,” Tadashi says, though, moving just a little bit closer in spite of the smoke. “Did you have a bad dream?” 

Ainosuke looks ahead again, to the busy city crawling with life and sounds and scents. He takes another puff, this time filling his lungs and letting the seconds slip by silently. 

“It was nothing.” 

Tadashi moves a little bit closer, nose just barely touching Ainosuke’s neck, and sniffs his skin loudly a few times. 

“I smell lies.” 

Ainosuke shrugs. 

“Then I’m a liar.” 

Tadashi sighs. There is still a corner he cannot see or reach yet, inside of Ainosuke. Something he still cannot be trusted with. Ainosuke will have to tell him himself. 

Maybe he deserves it. There were apologies, there was fighting, there was silence. A lot of silence. It’s not over: this is not a fairytale. 

But Ainosuke is finally talking to him. He’s not just ordering him to suck him off, to lift his hips, to take it and not complain, and then to leave. 

A lot of that is over. . 

“Shall I make breakfast?” Tadashi asks, moving away as he grows more and more aware of the fact that they are in public. On the balcony. A politician and his secretary. This could be a scandal. 

Ainosuke looks at what’s left of his cigarette, and turns it off before walking back in. 

“Your praise is the best food,” he declares, before undressing again, and in a swift motion grabs Tadashi’s tie, pulling him closer while stepping on the night dress. 

“Why did you get dressed? Today’s your day off.” 

“Say it again when your belly will start grumbling.” 

Ainosuke hums, before pressing their lips together. Tadashi looks at him, lids lowering slowly while his lips part and Ai’s tongue begins sliding in his mouth, confident, warm and soft. Ainosuke’s hand moves to Tadashi’s nape, the other grabbing his hip, and Tadashi’s eyes fall closed, his hands shifting not to stop him as they would sometimes try to do before. They are firm in pulling Ainosuke closer, in exploring his toned body all over again. 

Ai’s mouth draws a line of kisses to his jaw, then his neck, and he huffs irritated by the clean and proper collar of Tadashi’s shirt putting a barrier between his lips and Tadashi’s soft skin. 

Tadashi smiles. 

“Hungry, are we?” He teases. 

Ainosuke bites his lip, slightly irritated. 

“Do you want to know?” He says, finally. 

It takes Tadashi a couple of seconds to figure out what the hell he’s talking about. Sometimes it will happen, Ainosuke will just go from one thing to the other with no logical connection. Especially as of late.

“You’re talking about… when you called me like that?” 

“I woke up and didn’t see you. For a second I thought you left,” Ainosuke blurts it out. He must have decided this tiny secret was not worth holding onto. 

But the implications become clear little by little, and Tadashi takes a deep breath, trying not to take offense. As if he’d ever abandon that man. As if he ever did. 

Although, he argues in his mind, in a certain sense he sort of did. 

“I’m here,” he says, looking right into Ainosuke’s eyes, and holds his look. “I’m not leaving you.” 

Ainosuke looks into his eyes for a few seconds, eyebrows scrunched, and then they relax; his eyes gradually become softer. 

That was the right thing to say. 

“Right. Right...” he mutters.

Tadashi is the one to kiss him now, palms open and hot on his naked back, grabbing Ainosuke’s sides while keeping his eyes open, just a bit, to make sure Ai’s are closed, that he’s enjoying him and relaxing, to be absolutely confident he pushed his doubts at bay, at least for a bit. He knows Ainosuke cannot keep them away, not alone, not permanently. And even with Tadashi by his side, maybe he never will. 

But things are better. He has to keep that in mind. If he only thinks back to a month ago or so, Ainosuke seemed to be completely different. A mortally wounded animal in a cage, trying to ask for help without knowing how. Under a mask of mistrust, pettiness, violence. With a voice and words that hurt so much Tadashi had to build his own barriers, until it was a wall against a wall. 

Tearing them down isn’t easy. But Tadashi was always here — he’ll be here to see his best friend, his first love again. 

“You know, thinking again, I really am hungry,” Ai says then, with a very different smile, a different disposition altogether. “Aren’t you?” 

He must have gotten a bit horny. 

Tadashi knows what that means. Things change, when he’s horny. 

Tadashi looks up at him just a little later, while on his knees, hard in his pants with his warm lips sliding up and down Ainosuke’s rock hard cock, as he impatiently rocks his hips to chase his orgasm, his fingers pulling painfully on Tadashi’s hair. 

“Yes, puppy, that’s it,” Ai moans, his voice quaking, and his tongue darts out to lick his lips, to savor the rumble of his incoming climax. He doesn’t even hear the sound of slurping, gagging, Tadashi’s voice crackling and choking around him, he barely registers anything outside of his mouth working so eagerly to give him pleasure, his throat being violated, wet and oh so soft around him. Tadashi groans around him, pictures himself from the outside, sees himself drooling, with tears sliding down his cheeks, and in his insides a little fire burns with a fierce heat, making his cock push painfully against the fabric of his pants, but he keeps his hands away. He wants to come like that, fully dressed, he wants Ainosuke to know exactly how powerful he is. How much Tadashi could not possibly be with anyone but him. His lips abandon Ainosuke’s cock briefly, and his voice comes out croaking. 

“Can I come, please?” 

Ai’s eyelids slide open and he sighs, voice rough and thick as he looks down at the beautiful mess at his feet. 

“Of course, dog. Come for me.” 

Tadashi groans, and wraps his arms around one of Ainosuke’s legs, closing his thighs around it, and starts rubbing his crotch against it furiously, diving his face against the skin of Ainosuke’s groin, thoughts completely gone until the heat explodes all of a sudden and he feels it, wet and sticky and warm in his pants. 

“Good boy,” Ainosuke hums, and lets him pause there on the floor for a little bit, before adding with a strained voice, “open your mouth, puppy.” 

Tadashi does, right away, and Ainosuke sees it all while pumping his hand around himself — his beautiful eyes wet and liquid, glimmering, his face pink and sweaty, his mouth wide open with his tongue hanging out a bit. Even just seeing that, just seeing Tadashi so ruined and yet still so eager and oh so, so loving, that’s what pushes Ainosuke to throw his head back and moan, to spill his come on Tadashi’s face, his tongue, his clothes (“yes, puppy, swallow it baby, oh yes my love…”), and then Tadashi comes closer, milking him with his mouth until nothing more is left to swallow, until there are no more drops for his tongue to save. 

The overstimulation makes Ai ache and he tugs on Tadashi’s hair, but he also decides to keep him there, feeling his mouth and throat welcome it all, all of him. If he were able to think a little bit harder about it right now, maybe it would even move him to tears. But there are no thoughts in his mind for a while, as he lets himself fall on the bed and doesn’t care when Tadashi joins him there. 

“Show me,” Ai breathes out, softly, and Tadashi looks up at him with a soft blush before undoing his pants and lowering his underwear enough for Ainosuke to see the mess. 

“Mmmh. You came a lot for me, didn’t you?” 

Tadashi nods, all red in the face now, and Ainosuke laughs a little. 

“I was facefucking you and you humped my leg like a bitch in heat, and you still have my cum all over you, but this is what has you blushing so much?” 

Tadashi sighs, and opens his mouth to say something, but Ainosuke adds in a softer tone, adoring even, “you know, you are beautiful.” 

Tadashi looks at him, eyes wide, and blinks a few times meeting Ainosuke’s gaze. That’s what bafflement must feel like, even as things are now. 

Still, he clears his throat and looks away.

“Because I’m a mess?” He asks with his weak, pained voice. 

“No, I mean always. It’s funny: I was always looking for my Eve…” 

Tadashi frowns, while Ainosuke rolls on his back, looking at the ceiling with a smile blooming on his lips. 

“I should have known. It’s in Genesis, isn’t it? It’s you.”

Tadashi’s heart flutters, thumps furiously. 

“I’m… Eve?” 

“Who else has put up with me this whole time?” Says Ainosuke, looking at him. “To anyone else, I would just be a monster.” 

“Not to me.” 

Ainosuke smiles. 

“Yeah.” 

Tadashi keeps observing him, while moving closer, and relaxes in their afterglow, the sun kissing their bodies with a warm light. The day has just begun and there are many duties to fulfill, not to mention he’ll definitely have to shower — again — but it’s okay if he lets himself just lie like this with Ai, even if it’s just for a few minutes. He’ll also have time to wonder later. But this is good. It’s a very big step.

Maybe he could have what he lost back, he ponders with a certain hope.
He’s been waiting for years, after all.
In spite of the results of his actions, he really has been patiently waiting to see Ainosuke smile and mean it, again.