She creaks, the seasoned, grumpy lady, while the rest of the crew lies scattered all over deck and in her warm bosom, lulled by her idling motions, and only Jack is awake for this. For her whispers in the middle of the night, when all is silent and he can hear her call, her soothing old voice repeating his name sweetly until the end of time. 

He's laid with countless women in his life, their hands have known every inch of his body and have grown so intimately acquainted with his skin, his lips, his smell, his lies. 

But he could never lie to her. She knows his soul just as well, has seen and loved every part of him, he’s spent too much time with her to just leave one day. She’s his ship. He’s her captain. She shall take him to that horizon over and over again as long as he’ll wish, wherever that may be. To just another port or to his end, and when the end comes he will not be alone. Many left, she never will. She was never a curse, he always knew what she really is. 

“Mmmh, Marlena…” one of the men mumbles with drunk longing in his sleep. 

Jack smiles. His men have ladies somewhere on land, ladies they can only dream of and miss until the next time they sail to the same shores again.

But he is not bound, has no earthly love to force him back on land, because nobody ever loved him like she can.

There is nobody else, nothing else he needs. His lady is right here. 

He lets go of the papers he was organizing, and finally looks behind his shoulders, toward the door framing Ainosuke Shindo’s tired figure. His eyes are trained very well to look for signs of malaise, rage, anything that can guide his next action, the words coming from his mouth.

“Hello, Ainosuke-sama,” he attempts, expecting the grunt and brief glare he gets.

“Tell me something good, Tadashi,” Ainosuke says instead, dropping on the sofa and releasing a big sigh as he closes his eyes, head leaning back and eyes closing with a slight grimace on his face. 

 

To be honest, the current campaign seems to be going quite well, the electorate responded enthusiastically to the message Ainosuke decided to spread, and the support groups’ work seems to be bearing plenty of fruit in that sense. Tadashi is at loss for anything more positive to say, so he just frowns before throwing a look at the drafts of Ainosuke’s next address for the Diet.

“The polls for your campaign are soaring, Ainosuke-sama, just today we registered a five percent increase in interest even in the pool of older voters after your last speech-”

“No.” Ainosuke’s voice interrupts him, curt, and Tadashi looks back to know what was wrong. All he gets is a tired, dulled out glare. “I don’t want that now.”

Tadashi opens his mouth, closes it again, looks at the draft once more as if the answer was meant to be there.

“What should I tell you about?”

A brief silence stretches in the room, and finally Ainosuke deflates, closing his eyes.

“Whatever. I’m tired.”

Tadashi’s shoulders relax. Tiredness, that he can deal with.

“Shall I prepare a hot bath for you?”

A hum comes from Ainosuke’s nose, and then his eyes open lazily.

“Sure.”

Tadashi nods, and hurrying to the bathroom he feels it on his nape again, Ainosuke-sama’s gaze following him all the way through. 

 

 

 

Tadashi is reached in the bathroom a few minutes later, as he tests the water with a hand to make sure the temperature is optimal, and he hears the sound of Ainosuke smelling scented salts in the air. Tadashi straightens up, and immediately feels the air tighten again, but it’s different from ten minutes ago, now.

The buzz goes straight to his stomach, warm and liquid. It makes him shiver, when he hears the unequivocable melody of a belt sliding off its loops, a shirt slipping away, and when he turns he also gets to slide his eyes down Ainosuke’s naked torso, just for a moment, and then up to his flaring red eyes. That tension lasts for a few more moments, and then Ainosuke tears his eyes away, to the tub that’s filled with a soft, bubbly layer of soap. Tadashi looks away, unaware of the lovely shade of pink layered on his cheeks, and only hears quiet, splashy sounds after a zipper being lowered, trousers being carelessly taken off and thrown to a corner of the bathroom. Not to worry, he has had time and plenty of chances to train his thoughts away, to at least look indifferent whenever he is in the same room with his naked boss. His boss who’ll occasionally bend him over the desk and split him open making him cry and whine and pray, making his insides melt and his thoughts vanish in a pleasant grey haze tinted with boiling red pain. He knows how to not think about it, except for when he catches himself doing exactly that.

When he looks at Ainosuke again, he is lying in the tub with his eyes closed, hands on the lips of it, head tilted back and eyes closed, peaceful, as a thin fog already liftsin the room.

Tadashi’s job is done for today. He elects to ignore that tension, decides not to even attempt at reading it, but just as his hands wrap around the door’s knob Ainosuke’s voice halts him right there, reaching his stomach first.

“Stop right there.”

Tadashi, somewhat unwillingly, turns his head and looks back.

“Do you need something else, Ainosuke-sama?”

“Yes,” Ainosuke says, quietly. “Tell me something good.”

This again ? Tadashi looks back at him, biting his lip in slight frustration.

“What is it that you want from me, exactly?” He finally asks, and Ainosuke’s eyes edge open as he looks at him. His gaze drifts to the wall now, his voice grows softer. It doesn’t sound impatient, it doesn’t tremble with anger. It sounds almost petulant, like the voice of a shy child.

“I need to hear good things. About me.”

Even from the door, Tadashi can notice the almost imperceptible shade of red spreading across Ainosuke’s face, and his chin lifts in understanding, eyes clearing.

“Ah.”

 

It’s one of those days, then. 

 

He rolls his sleeves up, covering the distance between them with a renewed confidence - the kind of pride a humble one like him would only get when he’s the only one who can help.

He sits on the edge of the tub, slides his fingers slowly through Ainosuke’s messed up hair, and even has his master’s hot shivers on his own fingertips as they slide down and go back to the top of Ainosuke’s forehead, petting through his hair again a few times.

“You are doing a wonderful job, Ainosuke-sama,” he starts, voice steady and honeyed with honest adoration which flows through his entire body as his fingers gift relaxing waves to Ainosuke’s body. “There is no reason for you to worry, everyone is happy with what you’re doing. Everybody loves you.”

He halts himself just short of spouting something else, and Ainosuke hums. Tadashi looks at him, and maybe it’s the hot fog wrapping them up but it looks like Ainosuke’s eyes are piercing right through him, right then.

“More,” Ainosuke demands, still imprisoning him with that cruel stare.

“There is no woman or man who can resist your pull, Ainosuke-sama,” Tadashi continues, feeling like this is somewhat cheesy, but Ainosuke’s eyebrow tilts up in interest. “Everybody wants you. Everybody wants to be you.”

“What about you?” Ainosuke asks, voice low but rumbling. Even more demanding - a bit forceful, even.

“Sir? I don’t understand.” 

 

But he does. He understands all too well.

He swallows around a thick knot that formed so quickly in his throat, and tries to will his blood into not flooding his cheeks.

“Keep your innocent act for another time,” Ainosuke says, his face nuzzling into Tadashi’s side. “Do you want me?”

“I have-”

“Don’t fucking say that,” Ainosuke stops him with a hiss in warning, and the glare he turns to Tadashi seals his lips instantly, making his whole body grow tense. “If I hear those words from you again I’m going to stop talking to you altogether.”

Tadashi gasps, softly, his hand stops moving through Ainosuke’s hair. He thought his master had given him a tiny bit of control with his request for praise, and yet he’s pulling on the leash again. Reminding him who has the command, here. 

 

He knows perfectly well how Tadashi feels. He’s known since they were teenagers, probably. Since when Tadashi blushed and pressed a quick, feathery kiss to Ainosuke’s cheek, and then blushed more, and then trembled like a leaf before grabbing his skateboard and rushing to the empty pool. Back then, Ainosuke could even imagine to hear the fading sound of his heart fluttering furiously like a bird fighting against the cage.

And yet, Tadashi was not led to believe Ainosuke cared what he felt. What he thought. Especially since that day when Tadashi abandoned him, convincing him that he truly was completely alone in the world at such a tender age.

“I… is what I want even important?” He asks, his voice low, trembling with doubt.

“I just want to know. What do you feel, when I fuck you?”

The languid tone before the language has Tadashi’s cheeks turn red violently, his breath turns labored as he looks around, for some kind of helping hand somewhere. But it’s just him and Ainosuke, right now. Ainosuke, wanting to pry him open and leave no escape.

“I feel… I’m not sure I’m allowed to want,” he stutters. “Much less, that I’m allowed to want anything from you.”

Ainosuke’s lips twist in a grimace, and finally he clicks his tongue.

“Pisses me off,” he mutters, and his nostrils flare. “It pisses me off when you do this.”

And then the space between them fills up with silence, apparently ending the conversation here.

The heat in the air has grown thick, it might even become suffocating, or at least it feels that way when Tadashi’s breaths become heavier, and he takes a shallow sigh. 

 

 

And then his body falls to the side. He loses his balance out of nowhere, sees the room spin and then water drenches his clothes, his body twitching with surprise as Ainosuke’s arms wrap around his waist, holding him closer than he has any right to be.

“What do you feel right now?” Ainosuke’s voice rumbles, thick with hot vibrations and extremely close to his ear. Tadashi whips his head around as much as he can, meeting Ainosuke’s eyes so close, pulsating with the same heat as when Ainosuke looks at him, whenever Tadashi is kneeling between his legs. “What do you want?”

Tadashi fights, but not too hard. Definitely not hard enough. He goes still, like a rabbit knowing it can’t run anymore. He’s only left pleading silently with his eyes.

He’s not allowed to want. He’s not allowed desires. 

 

He has not allowed himself to nourish any.

“Ainosuke-sama…” he whispers, forcing anything else to stay inside. 

 

Because yes, of course he wants. His want for Ainosuke has been burning right under his skin since one afternoon, when they were lying on the grass, looking at the bushes of roses, and Tadashi turned his head to look at Ainosuke and say something. Maybe it was the angle at which sunlight was caressing him, maybe it was the combination of the scent of roses and the warmth and the taste of candy in his mouth, maybe it was the thrill of having seen his friend land his first fakie without ending the trick curled up on the floor.

But he does remember that want, and it never leaving him, not even after he tried getting rid of it by leaving a clumsy kiss on the lips he wanted . Not even when he was pushed into betrayal, not when Ainosuke looked at him right after with crimson venom stabbing him coldly. Not when he looked at the plane lift from the ground, hands empty after carrying his bags. 

 

 

Not even after years of being parted from him, while slowly being trained to become a blank slate that only existed to serve the Shindo family with the least amount of mistakes and slips. He became nearly perfect for the role he was meant to play, and yet Ainosuke just kept edging close to unraveling him completely from the moment he stepped back into his home, years later, deciding he would not suffer the loneliness, at least, if he allowed himself to use Tadashi’s body. Each touch burning his skin, making Tadashi’s heart throb and making his want scream. 

 

And yet his behavior seems to have really changed, since that race at S. He does not have that powerless fury behind his eyes at all times, anymore. 

 

“Tadashi,” Ainosuke says, “it’s all okay. I know how you feel. I just want to hear you say it.” And then his gaze turns commanding. “So say it.”

Tadashi’s fingers tighten into fists, his whole body grows stiff. Where does sadism start, and forgiveness slip through?

He fights silently for a few seconds, pondering, trembling at the idea of finally just doing it - saying a few simple, terrible words that have always rested on his tongue, maybe just waiting for the best time to roll out.

And then they do. 

 

He tilts his head back, leaning it against Ainosuke’s shoulder, and ignores the water wetting his hair as his eyes fall close. 

 

“I… want to be by your side forever, Ainosuke-sama. Even if it means being hated forever. I’d rather be hated than forgotten.” 

 

It’s pathetic, really. Begging to be kept, begging to be resented and hurt day after day if it means being allowed to love the man he serves. 

 

He grows very aware of his body, of his clothes floating around his body, of the water’s heat, of the shape of Ainosuke’s body under his own. The proximity of Ainosuke’s mouth when he whispers to him, smirking. 

 

“That was good, pet. But I thought I made it clear, that’s what I want too.” 

 

Tadashi shakes his head, and brings Ainosuke’s hand to his chest, daring to twine their fingers together. 

 

“It’s not that easy, for me,” Tadashi hums, eyes staring at the ceiling. “I have spent so much time thinking you were going to throw me away. Thinking you would chase me out from one moment to another. And all that time you were in America…” 

 

His words trail off, Ainosuke’s hand slides up just in time to feel his throat bob. 

 

“Tadashi…” Ainosuke’s voice sounds low, weak. 

 

“It’s not easy for me to think you might actually want me around, when I’ve spent almost a decade being sure of the opposite.” 

 

 

 

Ainosuke leans his head back again, quiet, his smirk disappearing. 

 

“I’m sorry,” he breathes out, finally, almost with the tone of a secret. “I did not treat you how you deserve to be treated.” 

 

Tadashi’s breathing stops, just for a moment, and then he whips his head around, looking at Ainosuke with eyes wide and jaw dropping. 

 

Instead, Ainosuke lifts his hand, placing it on Tadashi’s neck, thumb rubbing along the vein there. Tadashi looks in his eyes, and finds no wrinkles of tension around them. 

 

“You always did what you thought was best, didn’t you?” 

 

Tadashi bites his lip, lowering his gaze. 

 

“I... yes, I guess so. All I have ever cared for was you. Exclusively. And I have made mistakes because I thought what was best for you was up to me.” 

 

Ainosuke slides his thumb up and down the jugular, finally grabs Tadashi’s nape and pulls him closer, gradually, pressing their lips together. 

 

“You’re such a good puppy,” Ainosuke says, dragging his fingers through Tadashi’s hair and then patting his head. 

 

 

Tadashi understands. He turns around completely now, settling comfortably on Ainosuke’s lap, and hugging his body with a boldness he did not have before. Ainosuke lets him. Wraps his arms around him for a bit, and then whispers in his ear, “you’re not done cheering me up. Are you, pet?” 

 

Tadashi, with his eyebrows creasing, tilts his head. 

 

“What should I do?” 

 

 

Tadashi looks at him, waiting, and seems to completely depend on Ainosuke’s lips. 

 

“Just…” 

 

Ainosuke’s hands lift, reaching Tadashi’s lips and pulling their corners, forcing them into a smile. Tadashi frowns, blinking, and finally his lips become pink as the pretend smile turns into a real one. 

 

Adam’s face reflects the expression. 

 

So silly. 

It's one of those evenings. One of those where Ainosuke gets back home after spending the whole day at the National Diet Building, and steps inside the Shindo mansion with tension in his belly, usually a massive headache too, and barks orders more easily than usual. His gaze is sharp and harsh, with frustration boiling in the very depths of his intense red eyes. He always does display some level of rage and dissatisfaction, but days like these he has no room or time for pleasantries and greetings.